Dailiness: The fact or
condition of happening or being done on a daily basis.
Also: the quality of
being ordinary, routine, or mundane; everyday character;
reliable regularity.
When I was nine years old, I
scissored open two brown paper bags from the corner Acme. I flattened and
ironed out the creases, taped them together and cut-off extra areas to form a
rectangle. Facing the word Acme toward the wall, I taped the paper
to the wall next to the bed where grandmother and I slept. Using her yardstick and a black marker that
made my face burn with its smell, I drew a grid of 10 rows and 30 or so
columns. In the left row of lines, I
listed all the things I wanted to do or achieve daily—nine-year old things such
as Practice Piano, Wash Dishes, Feed
Bookie, Iron Blouse, Polish Shoes, and Brush Teeth. At the top of the
columns I wrote the date. With my weekly dollar, I went to the stationery store
down the block to buy gold and silver; red, blue, and green foil stars. This was in the days before self-stick, when
the surfaces of the stars were raised, as if carved, and the backs were gummed
for licking. Whenever I completed one of
my tasks, I gave myself a star—the color indicating whether I did it perfectly
(gold), well (silver)…all the way down to green for decent. At night, I loved seeing the neatly spaced stars
sparkle with the lights of passing cars, the bright moon, or the dawning sun. I
felt happy with myself, whether or not my mother came home at night, or my
father kept my stepmother from hitting me.
But the tasks on my list were adult
requirements, and I tired of the growing blank boxes on my chart, the stars
more like haphazard constellations, more silver than gold, and then more green
than blue. What started out as a
creative act of self-care turned into another chore that made me feel trapped.
Decades later, I opened a blank Microsoft
document, formatted for seven columns for the days of a week and fifteen or so
rows. Instead of listing items driven by other-directed requirements, such as
work, meetings, laundry, I list things to help me keep focused on what I value—such
as 20 minutes of home yoga, meditation, singing, writing three pages in my
journal (which I call “Musings”). It’s
too easy to get lost in the undertow of Email, internet distractions, Netflix—so
I include reading poetry as an item, cardio exercise, writing something new,
revising something old. Instead of checking Pinterest or Snapchat, I check my
check list. And it’s not an incidental
to-do list that changes daily (although I do write those in at the bottom of my
list for the next day). This is a deeper
commitment.
Every day is a work of art—how we begin and end it shapes the
between which is life, itself. So I list
a modest “Make bed” as the first item: I start my day on a note of clarity, accomplishment,
investment in tonight’s sleep. Others might write “Pray” or “Run” or “Eat
breakfast.” I was always lonely as a
child, so evenings were painful—it’s when I became addicted to television. I make sure now to write reminders to myself
of what’s healthier in the evenings—writing a daily list of gratitudes, reading
more poetry or prose, cleaning around the house, phoning a friend—taking care
of those teeth.
I use my week-at-a-glance lists to monitor my current
devotions—as for example tracking weight.
I add, subtract, revise items according to how I trend. My lists tell me if I’m keeping up with
things that matter to me. If not, I
rethink and recast my whats, hows, and
whens. My check marks are like gold
stars, but I practice flexibility. I play
games with myself when needed: “10 out of 15 was great for today!” “Superstar
day of 14 of 15!” After all, my lists are about shaping my day as I wish and
acknowledging my progress-not-perfection.
What we do every day—the no-big deal twenty minutes of yoga,
for example—is what will turn into the biggest deals in our lives. Anthony
Trollope wrote for only an hour a day before his job as a postal surveyor on
the railroad, yet he created dozens of novels, articles, plays. Dailiness is what matters—for the Olympic
gymnast who wakes up every morning at 4:00 AM to practice three hours before
school; for the mother who tends her baby through diapers, fears, and joys; for
the student who spends an hour before classes to work on her papers and
revisions; for the writer to write every day. As Yogi Pattabhi Jois said, “Practice, and all is coming.”
At age nine, my lists started in exuberance but devolved into
a trap. Some mistake living by the whim of
the moment, uprootedness with freedom. But, as Robert Frost said, “Freedom is
moving easy in harness.” Now my weekly lists liberate me from distractions, keep
me focused on how I want to grow, and offer me an overview of where I started,
where I’m going.
Have I been “reliably regular”? Have I showed up for what matters?
How might you shape and reward yourself in your dailiness?
