♫ BASICALLY:
HOW NOT TO SAY WHAT YOU MEAN♫
(The Lyrics)
INDUCTION:
♫Words
would be very useful
for school and love and work,
if only they would mean
what they mean.
♫I
have started (no, not started
but do) to wonder
(no, not wonder but know)—
how we turn words inside out
like (over)sensitive laundry.
CHORUS:
♫Basically
means “generally,”
Little bit means “a lot.”
How Are You? means
“I wanna tell you
‘bout me
so spare me your
TMI.”
I.
BASICALLY
♫Basically means I
don’t know
what to say next.
Once I’ve said “basically”
well, sorta, who can argue against‘t?
♫I
had a five-minute presentation
on Ophelia to do,
but Ophelia I didn’t feel ya
so basically I said basically
87 times:
♫“Basically,
Ophelia was basically this girl.
Basically, Ophelia was ditched.
Basically, Ophelia was basically a character
in William Shakespeare’s basically Hamlet.”
CHORUS
♫Basically
means “generally,”
Little bit means “a lot.”
How Are You? means
“I wanna tell you
‘bout me
so spare me your
TMI.”
II.
LITTLE BIT
Verse:
♫Say
a little bit when you’re afraid
to say that it’s “a lot”
or when your family, lover, money
is no one else’s biz.
♫The
text buzzes in “Did he ____ you?”
or “Did you ______him?”
“Would you like to ______ with me?”
Or “Did you __________ with _______?”
♫Thumb
back “I’m a LB mad, LB broke,
LB bad, LB hurt,
LB in love with
someone else
and LB—pregnant.”
CHORUS
♫Basically
means “generally,”
Little bit means “a lot.”
How Are You? means
“I wanna tell you
‘bout me
so spare me your
TMI.”
III.
YOU, YOU, YOU
♫My very fave is the
use
of second person point of view,
when you really
means I—
all that you
and your is you
being your own invisible friend.
♫When
you’re afraid to own up to
your own experience
or commit to what you say,
it’s more polite to say you, you, you
than me, myself,
mine, and I.
CHORUS
♫Basically
means “generally,”
Little bit means “a lot.”
How Are You? means
“I wanna tell you
‘bout me
so spare me your
TMI.”
DEDUCTION:
♫Pacifiers
and qualifiers
and clearers of the throat,
here’s more glossary of what
to say instead of what you mean:
♫Why not? means “Thank
you, no”
and “I wish you hadn’t asked.”
Sure means “I
doubt it”
and It’s Okay
means “it’s not.”
♫Let’s
come clean and stop
prevaricating—
turn right side out not in.
Words aren’t (over)sensitive laundry.
♫And
double negatives
aren’t always positive—
“no never nothing not.”
You say “double positives are never negative,”
and I say yeah,
yeah.
CHORUS
♫Basically
means “generally,”
Little bit means “a lot.”
How Are You? means
“I wanna tell you
‘bout me
so spare me your
TMI.”
***
WHAT WORDS DO YOU USE TO DODGE SAYING WHAT YOU MEAN?
Name your dissembling, demurring
words, calibrate how often you say them in a day, practice eliminating
them, leave a comment.
©
2014 Susanna Rich
I do not use words to dodge what I really mean. I also stutter when I want to say what I really mean. I really have to speak up and say what I really want to say or else I will go through life not getting what I really want. So I will try not to sugar coat my words, or stutter when I am trying to say what I really mean.
ReplyDeletesnap snap ! LOved it
Deletemy words are silent because my heart is empty and full of rain and anger that drives me insane. my words are silent because if you ever knew the truth you would want to run for the hills, call the police, and call me insane. so my words are silent but my actions are loud. my words may have been hidden but my actions are not. my words was once silence by the angle of death and the man in black; but I am no longer silent and my words mean more since ive been in Dr. Rich class. she taught me that my words have meaning that speaks louder then my actions and my silent words within.
ReplyDeleteso my dodge means speak and I found my voice again
DeleteDr Rich,
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize that I did this untill now. Thank you for that. I guess times and certian moments are a little hard to entirely speak the truth, or say what you really mean so we hide behind words that will protect us. I do this a lot with the word "um" and "yeah." In conversations and presentations I will start a sentence with "Um..." or I will finish a thought with "...so yeah." Why do I do that? Ha-ha! I have started or finished my statement and I weaken it or cut it with a different word when I wanted to say more or let people know I am starting or that I am done. It's almost as if they are not complete thoughts. I hope I can break out of this habit soon.
Often times we are afraid to open up to others, that's the root of the actual problem. We tend to internalize our feelings, thoughts, and emotions because relying on others is sometimes burdensome. Therefore, I practice this when I say "yea, I don't know." I typically say this when I am giving someone advice and then as an ending statement I just throw that in there just if someone does happen or if you fully take my advice to not blame me. So in reality "yea, I don't know", means that it is totally up to the person to decide what they mean or what they want. Or sometimes it just slips out when a conversation has become awkward or boring and I just run out of things to say, so to make matters worse I just throw that in there haha.
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know I read this whole thing is your voice. I have deleted not a little, but A LOT of words from my dictionary this semester. My favorite word I got rid of was you. I own my words, I own my what I am saying, I will not dodge what I mean by putting it into second or third person. There’s no need to fill my speech or my writing with basically, generally, you, or little bit. I would like to use the cliché to summarize how I own my words, “say it don’t spray it.” Perhaps in the past if someone said it to me, I’d probably assume they were saying don’t spit when you talk. However, when looking at it in comparison to this post I think “say it, don’t spray it with perfume to hide the bad smell.” I have learned to wash the words I use. Why? So I don’t have to spray the perfume when I speak because there is no more bad smell. There is no more space filling words in my speech, because I now know to mean what I say without trying to dodge what I mean.
-Alessandra Finis
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteWow. I cannot believe how true this is. It is a habit of mine that I need to break out of. Sometimes, when I am nervous, I tend to say "Um" a lot. It usually occurs when I lose my train of thought, but everyone has been there. I also tend to use "you" a lot when I am fighting with someone, rather than using "I", which is a way better way of expressing how I feel. It is something that I need to practice on more. I use the word basically a lot too either when I am writing an essay, or just speaking in general. I love to find new words to add to my dictionary, and need to try to limit the use of the ones that I use too much. Thank you for this amazing post!
-Valentina Quesada
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting Dr. Rich. I couldn't stop reading it because I thought this was so true in every line. God, we're so pathetic, myself included, in trying to avoid real social interaction that we lost our sense of being truthful to one another. Of course, my favorite dodging words are, " it's ok" really means that's disappointing, "I understand" really means that was a poor choice, and "maybe" really means a plain no. I use them mainly to not hurt someone's feeling by trying to make them feel better, or to keep an open mind. The truth is that we're not being 100%, but rather, enabling mediocrity within our society. In other, we mean well but ended up causing more damage
ReplyDeleteDr.Rich,
ReplyDeleteOne of the words that I use, to dodge what I mean, is the word I think. This word has become so pervasive in my vocabulary that I have grown to dislike it. There are so many times that I KNOW what I am saying, not just I think, but I end up flowering down my statements so the listener can interpret them in a non-confrontational manner. I have grown so accustomed to not being direct, that I think just slips out from my lips. I am working to be more conscious of how I use my language because as a woman, I am already at a disadvantage with the language I use. I don’t want to keep making myself “small” for the sake of other people. I need to allow myself to be direct, dominant , and confident in my answers in the same way men are. I don’t even want to go on about how many ways I dodge the word no. I struggle with people pleasing habits so I tend to sugarcoat things in order to not hurt other people. I realized recently that by doing this I only end up hurting myself. I still struggle to just say NO but I have learned to be more direct when I don’t want to do something.
Until professor Rich came along, I had not noticed how much I use certain phrases that I BASICALLY do not need :) Literally is my go-to word and I am not sure where I picked it up. I also say a little bit or I don't know A LOT! It is the way I talk to myself and has become the way I speak to others which sucks because like it is explained above, they don’t really explain what you mean. I blame myself for letting this society stick its insecurities on me. Insecurity of connecting to others using meaningful words, expressing real things. Using “you” instead of “I” was my biggest takeaway from this semester. There is nothing better than learning to take control and responsivity of my own words and not binding my opinions to the rest of the world as if I could speak for everyone. I can say teachers have engraved in my brain that my opinion CANNOT be used and therefore subconsciously has created a fear of ever giving my opinion because unless I am a professional¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ (fill in the blank), there is nothing I know enough about to give my opinion. This semester I found out that is OBVIOUSLY BULLSHIT!
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI had not realized until your class how many times I say words that are eluding to what I’m trying to say without ACTUALLY saying what I truly mean! This has come from constantly being afraid that my opinions are wrong, or sound unintelligent. This has come from as Linda has said above, “a subconscious fear because unless I am a professional “whatever” my opinions are not valid or important enough.” Dr. Rich, I sense a no bullshit attitude from you and how you live your life, and I love it! I will diligently remind myself to say what I mean and mean what I say without worrying that I am being too bold or too outspoken. I am young, I am not as experienced as the professionals around me, but that isn’t going to stop me from being me- and saying whatever the fuck I wanna say!
Hi Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteYou have made me so conscious of the words I put into the universe. I am so conscious, in fact, that I began to notice the workings of the Law of Attraction: putting your plans and desires out into the universe (verbally) and seeing how life/destiny get you to your destination. By becoming more aware of the negatives I spew about being "too tired", "so stressed", having "too much info filling up my brain" and being "beyond overwhelmed" I realized that I could say that I feel "so educated and intelligent" or "ready for what ever tomorrow brings." I recognize that this alone has be closer to achieving my goals.
For the longest time, “little bit,” “kinda,” “sorta,” “somewhat,” and “I guess,” have been the top-five most frequently used words/phrases in my vocabulary; they have become my go-to speech, so to speak. Why has it become this way? Why do I not just say what I mean instead of sugarcoating it? The answer is simple: I never want to sound too certain when I speak, in fear that I may come off as being a know-it-all or even worse, answering incorrectly. I have always been self-conscious about saying the wrong thing because it is embarrassing. Even in class, when I answer incorrectly, I immediately start to feel nervous afterward and continue to think about it for the rest of the period, although I am aware that the rest of my classmates have likely long forgotten about my incorrect response. I find that when I throw in one of my common phrases, like “sorta,” or “kinda” in front of my response, it makes me feel at ease; it makes me feel relieved that at least I did not sound too certain while answering incorrectly.
ReplyDeleteThe more I think about these unnecessary words/phrases that I commonly throw into my responses, the more I realize how much I have truly become dependent on them. They have become like the vocal fillers or the extra padding to my speech, and they especially help me think when I have nothing else to say. It has become a really bad habit that I need to work on eliminating from my speech. In fact, it is in my favor to eliminate such fillers, as I plan on becoming a teacher. I am afraid that when my future students hear me using words/phrases like “somewhat,” and “I guess,” they will notice how uncertain I sound, which really sends the wrong message. As a teacher, I should sound more certain; I should sound confident in myself, and I believe that using the right speech will help to convey this message.
I have found that the closer attention I pay to my word choice, the more conscientious I have become when thinking about what I want to say and how I choose to say it. In the past, I have been successful in eliminating unnecessary terms from my vocabulary such as “literally” and “basically.” With enough practice, I am positive I can completely eliminate my top-five most frequently used fillers.
Nada Amer
Wow , you do not let anyone get away with misusing the power of their speech. I use so many words to avoid saying what i really mean for a number of reasons 1) as a black female in society I feel as though I have to moderate whatever comes out of my mouth at the risk of sounding like the stereotypical “angry black girl,” so at times , I know exactly what I mean , but stumble, stutter, ad tons of “like, maybes, i’m-not-sure-but’s” as prefaces before i state something i’m almost 10000000% sure of.
ReplyDelete2) As a Nigerian-American woman, respect is a fundamental part of my culture. So tone, word choice, and mannerism are key components that i linger on before I interact with anyone. However, I have been learning to say - to hell with those behaviors , and am growing into myself.
Dodging is a method unknown to me. I can be quite blunt and have no trouble telling someone I am not interested in discussing something at a certain time. What I do tend to find myself doing, more spoken than written, is I have a hard time finding the words I want to use. And so I sit there and think and think and think until I find a word. But then I want to change the word because I believe that it no longer fits the conversation I am trying to have.
ReplyDeleteThis “dodging” method I see a lot in couples. There could be something wrong but instead of stating what it is, the person wants their partner to magically become a mind reader and fix the problem without a single word.
I agree with the comments prior to me, I don't think I dodge what I mean to say, I may have trouble with finding the words but never have trouble saying what I want. I could see though how people may hide behind words like basically because it could be a disconnect from knowing something to being unsure. If I ever used the word basically, it was regain my train of thought.
ReplyDeleteHi Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI must say this one was one that will probably stick with me forever. In just a short time you were actually able to break 20-somthing students out of what was probably a lifelong habit. Saying a little bit isn't just a phrase as we may have though at the beginning of this class, instead it is exactly what you said it was. Not realizing that when we say a little bit we are actually subconsciously dodging the responsibility of what we are unsure of. what I mean is that if I say "I like writing a little bit" chances are it’s my mind trying to be nice about saying I don't like writing or either I am afraid to commit to writing for some reason. I feel that once we are able to let go of the fear that we hold in our minds we will be able to fully dive into the potential that we all have. I appreciate your determination to break us out of saying a little bit because it really does mess with your left brain just as you said it does and the last thing we need is that. (This one will go for the writing class)
Hey there again it’s Ashley this time. I'm coming to you from a poet’s perspective on this one. In my opinion, when it comes to poetry believe it or not there is actually no such thing as a little bit. And it’s funny that I say this because as I was in both the writing and the poetry class I realized that we didnt have the same problem with a little bit in the poetry class as we did with it in the writing class. When thinking about writing prompts, assignments, stories, etc. you automatically think about guidelines, rules, grades etc. whereas poetry is more creative and on the free side. Which goes back to what I mentioned previously, that a little bit is really just a mask to hide behind because of fear. With poetry or any kind of free writing we don't need to be afraid of anything because it’s ours and it can be interpreted easier where as a prompt or an essay has a grade. I believe that a writer is a writer no matter what it just goes back to what they had been tailored to in the past and with literature we have been scared out of own creativity and poetry not so much. (This one will go towards the poetry class)
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI say a lot of words that I do not mean. I am very shy as a person and do not like talking about myself very often. Most of the time, when people ask me questions about myself, I feel that they are doing it our of obligation as if they feel they have to ask me. The truth is most people around me are socially extraverted whereas I am the opposite entirely. I do most of the listening and nodding of the head while others tell me about their problems or daily routines or what have you. I like it that way. I learn from people that way.
Women are often accused of saying they are "fine" when they are not. They say "kind of" (kinda in everyday slang usage) when in fact it is not kind of. I could be wearing shorts and a tank top in a room with an air conditioner stuck on 60 degrees and if someone asked me if i was cold, i would say "kind of" so as to not be a bother. If I hadn't eaten all day and someone asked me at 7 o'clock at night if i was hungry, I would say "kind of." If I had a terrible day or was heartbroken, I would say "I'm fine."
I've tried to be more honest and tell the truth in these situations, but I feel like my desire to always be polite and considerate prevents me from making that change. It is just the way I am and I am perfectly "fine" with that.
By reading this blog, from now on I will be more aware of what I say since I have three children observing all my actions and what and how I speak influences them in every way. I am very introvert, quiet and laid-back person where most of time I like to listen people talking about their problems instead of just talking. I have trouble in doing presentations in school, and even make a toast at a big party, my husband does it all, which works since he is the opposite of me. It is very rare see me talking for hours, it has to be a chosen person that I am totally comfortable with. This blog is very insightful because it is important to pay attention to what I am saying, if is really meaningful or not. I always have a hard time to express what I really want to say at the right time, it takes a lot of practice before hand because I am not at all confrontational, the person that I can do that is my husband because to me is very important to be myself around him, and not live a lie. As I grow older, I learned in certain situations is vital to say what needs to be say in that moment, because this world will eat me alive if I cannot say what I feel and want.
ReplyDeleteI was excited to read this blog after reading the title because it's so true. It's all written through lyrics which I was disappointed with but seems purposeful by saying what you want by basically saying it. The message that got across was by saying basically you are generalizing your statement. It's hard not to generalize it is a social norm and common. Everyone asks how are you? No one expects you to actually say how you are doing other than just saying good. I've always hated that question from strangers how are you? They don't want to hear about my life they don't actually care so I say I'm fine thank you when that could be the furthest thing from the truth. Generalized words I use almost every day: it's okay, when it really isn't or I don't want to talk about it, maybe, I don't want to be impolite with my no, I think, I'm downplaying what I know to not sound bossy. In order to eliminate these generalized words I have to be more self confident and not worry so much about others reactions. Also taking the time to think about what I want to say, I throw in generalized words because I try to be quick to answer someone.
ReplyDeleteI have noticed that when people say certain phrases or words, it’s not always what they mean. For example, if you run into someone you haven't seen or thought of in years and you ask them “How are you?” it is just a phrase to make conversation. Most of the time you probably don’t care to know. It’s just something to say. The thing goes for when someone asks the same question and the reply is “good.” It is rare that a person has nothing going on and has nothing to talk about. People reply with “good” to save some time while still being polite, even if they aren’t good.
ReplyDeleteSaying words like “generally” and “a little bit” weakens a paper or argument because it shows that one is not completely sure of what they are talking about. It also shows they are scared to say what they are thinking. For example, if someone failed a test and they get the advice “You just need to study a little bit harder.” This isn’t true at all. That person would need to study a lot harder in order to get a good grade. The advisor just wanted to spare the test taker’s feelings.
I do this all the time when I talk to people and in my writing. When I use the pronoun “you,” I am actually talking about myself. I use the word “a little bit” when I mean “a lot.” When someone asks if I’m hungry, and I am, instead of replying with “yes,” I’ll say“ a little bit.” I still don't know why I do this considering I'm hungry 90 percent of the time.
Priya Jhaveri
Nadia Radwan
ReplyDeleteA word that I always use that has no meaning or it distorts the words original meaning is “literally”. I don't know when it exactly started I just know that I say it all the time, for absolutely no reason. I could be talking about how I like a slice a pizza, and instead of just saying “ This pizza is tasty,” I will say something weird like “ I like literally love this pizza.” When I type it out it sounds so stupid and vapid and it's hard for me to accept the fact that I even say this so much. Another one that actually makes no sense is “ I literally cannot even!” I am still trying to understand what that even means or why I started saying it. I say “like” alot but I think that it's just a filler word, like saying “uh” or “um”. I am not necessarily changing its meaning rather I am just saying it with no context. Another thing that I say for no reason, or change its meaning is “LOL”. LOL is supposed to mean that you laughed out loud. I will text this even when I haven't actually laughed, whatever it was just made me smile. Another one is “im dead” which I use to mean I think something was funny. I will always say it when I think something is super funny and i'm just lost for words as to how funny it was. I also have no idea when I started saying this I just do and I am trying to stop but I can't.
Nicole Diefenbacher
ReplyDeleteENG 3000*01
Dr. Rich
"Basically" Means "Generally": How Not to Say What You Mean
I am definitely guilty of using these deflective kind of words. The biggest one I am guilty of is “but I’m no expert so don’t take my word for it” or something along those lines. There was a meme I saw once that said “always put ‘lol’ at the end of a text when you are giving advice so the person can never come back and blame you”. I think these words soften the blow when we are speaking to others and I think that is the reason we are so quick to use them.
The past few years, due to personal issues that caused me to, I have found that I second guess myself entirely too often. And these words are an aide in second guessing myself. So I’m going to try as best I can to catch myself in the act from now on.
I realized I do say “Basically” a lot and most the time I do it to water down my truth in a way. I say “So basically” and “so yeah” in situations that do not need it. I worked as a team leader in an organization. I had to be honest and let my members know what they did right and what they did wrong. Most of the time, I would make my point and I would water it down with “so yeah” which would weaken the whole conversation. I did not want to be the “mean” team leader who was strict and a perfectionist(I am a perfectionist! Can’t help it when it is about children).They would not take what I was saying seriously. I never realized that that kind of language can be detrimental in a way. I also wrote like that for my academic papers at some point, but one of my professors stopped me early on, so that was solved. But I hope to change that habit as I deal with people in a professional and casual sense.
ReplyDeletePriscilla B.
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteThis article really spoke to me. Nowadays we are taught to dance around what we really mean and have others guess our thoughts. We say we're fine when we're not or say a little bit when it means a lot, like you said. For some reason, we like to be cryptic. We like to play games and see if people can guess what it means. It's not funny or cute to do that in my opinion. We tend to do this and then get mad when the person doesn't know what we mean. HOW COULD THEY??? We can't get mad at people for thinking we're okay when we say we are. We have to stop expecting people to read our minds.
Sarah Otero
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ReplyDeleteApril 7, 2019
Eng 4817
Prof Rich
“Basically” Means “Generally”: How Not to Mean What You Say
I mean this blog spoke to my soul seriously. I used to be that person who had no voice. I would dance around what I really wanted to say as if the person I was holding a conversation with was a mind reader. Those time i felt so weak because I felt like a doormat because I wasn’t speaking up but diluting what I really wanted to say. Why am I being treated this way I always wondered ummm duh dummy you aren’t really saying what you mean you’re talking in circles, I would always tell myself. The pep talks to myself didn’t work for years because I still did the song and dance before saying what i really meant.
Then one day it’s like something just clicked and I was no longer that naive girl who did a song and dance before getting out what needed to be said. I became that person who no longer sugar coated anything. There was nothing for you to get or a puzzle to be solved because I said what I mean and I meant what I said. Why sugar coat it there’s no point. Once I found that voice I wondered why it took me so long to speak without watering down the words. Speaking my truth the first time around makes me feel so much better. I feel like either you get with the program or you don’t. I am no longer that doormat that I once was I am now the voice that you will hear. As I raise a little young lady I don’t want her to ever feel that she can’t say what needs to be said I want her to have a voice. Knowing that she’s looking up to me and I am her role model let’s me know that I have to prepare her for this cruel world. I thank God that I found my voice so my daughter doesn’t have to do a song and a dance she can be as outspoken as she’s always been.
Ummmmmmmmmmm is my go to whenever I get nervous or have nothing to say. Or I nervous laugh. It’s kind of super embarrassing when that happens to me. I feel like all eyes are on me, and everything I say and do is being judged hard. I try to dodge what I’m saying, or try to drag out my thoughts, but I end up adding fillers that make me seem less knowledgeable. I know that I am capable of not doing that, but it turns into such a habit that it turns into an everyday thing. For example, when I’m out to eat at a fancy restaurant and the waiter comes to ask what I want for dinner. I say UM like forty times before I fully order. Which is just crazy because I am so sure of what I want for dinner. Um needs to be cut out of mine and millions of others vocabulary asap. We just need to become more confident.
ReplyDeleteWhen first reading this blog post I immediately thought of myself. If there is anyone that uses words to cover what they mean and/or want to say it is definitely me. Sadly, there is not a day that passes where all of my words mean what I say. I often have difficulty expressing my true thoughts and/or feelings as I do not to say something that is mean or should be kept to myself. When I am asked a question, I frequently find myself using the word sure knowing that I really what to say no. I have found that this only leads me to trouble and irritation. For instance, on my twenty-first birthday my parents asked if they could attend my party. Not wanting to be rude I stated “sure.” I was positive that my parents would not attend my party but it was to my surprise when I walked through the door and their faces where the first ones I saw. Not only was I humiliated that my parents actually came but I was irritated. I thought they knew when I said sure I really meant no but this was not the case. After this incident, I began to carefully chose my words. I will continue to strive to eliminate this word from my vocabulary and utilize the word no. I find that utilizing the word no will be beneficial myself and others as they will not be left wondering why I am mad when they do the opposite of what I want.
ReplyDeleteBailey Vick
I constantly use words to dodge what I mean. I feel that this is a regular occurence in everyone’s life because in our Writing Poetry class, we all started with the second person point of view. For some reason, I think that it’s a little scary to be able to point to yourself and say that you have these feelings. The feeling of vulnerability is lessened in its potency. I have a serious problem with saying “I’m sorry,” to everyone and everything. I never noticed that it was much of a problem until high school when my friends pointed it out to me. They said, “Why do you say sorry so much? There’s nothing to be sorry about!” I say sorry for the darndest things like when I bump into an inanimate object, when I want to move past someone, when I ask the waiter(ess) to come by my table…honestly in any situation that you and I can think of, I have said sorry.
ReplyDeleteThey made a bet with me and my best friend (who talks about a particular subject a little too much) and see who can complete the challenge. Obviously, it was a lot easier for her because hers was something that she was conscious about and it was one particular topic. This does not mean that it was any harder for her. Anyway, it took me about 30 seconds to fail the challenge, having said sorry to the computer or keyboard for a reason I don’t even remember.
Many don’t believe in astrology, but I like to read about it from time to time. Since I am a Pisces and the last born/youngest of my family, I am incredibly sensitive and empathetic. As the sensitive type, I don’t like conflict or when people fight so I often act as a mediator for people. I compromise or go along with what others are saying/what they tell me to do. What causes so much strain and stress on my body is when others get upset or mad. Therefore, if I think that I have done anything wrong or out of order to make someone’s life a little less convenient, I say sorry. It’s automatic for me. I am working on this still, but it’s hard.
This is a response to blog 68 that applies here. I didn’t realize that I say this in class but I realized that I don’t say it to my family or friends unless necessary.
ReplyDelete{ It's surprising that I picked up this trait. In fifth grade I was voted most outspoken and different know what it meant at the time. I know as a child; I never minced my words. You ask me a question then I will answer it. It was never about being honest or lying to make someone else feel good. When I became a teacher/ program coordinator, I would remind my staff not to say I'm sorry if you didn't need to. I felt parents saw that as a sign of weakness or lack of intelligence. If and when I said to say something in that area, it would be my apologies for... I wanted to hold myself accountable and explain because I needed to.
This past week, I did say "I'm sorry." I realized that when I'm in a group of people that I assume is calm and not as assertive, I tend to hide my alpha like voice and become semi-timid, until I feel more comfortable to open up. I don't want to be judged in a negative way (first impression). People tend to say I look mean or rude, so I guess my subconscious kicks in and I become the sorry sister.
I know I'm honest/frank but also considerate and it takes a while for me to remember that.
As a teacher, I would question my student’s choices because whenever they get caught, they do say, I'm sorry. What are you sorry for? For getting caught, because you made a mistake or because you're held accountable and don't like it. If you're truly sorry then stop yourself prior to making the wrong choice. If not then deal with the consequences.
Parents get annoyed when they hear children at home arguing and one does not accept the others apology. I asked well, why should they. When you as the parent choose to support the one apologizing, then you show the other that you don't respect his/her choice to refuse the acceptance.
Children have their own version of peer/sibling expectations and they want the other to be held accountable. Yes, it will hurt your feelings and yes, he/she was honest but oh well. }
Meagan AWP 5000