In the '70s and '80s smash television series M*A*S*H, set in a surgical unit on the battle lines of the Korean War, the clerk, Radar O'Reilly, with his Harry Potter round glasses, and uncanny ESP, "radaring" coming events, consistently uses the pronoun "you" when he talks about himself. So, when he's relating the news from his home town, instead of using first person pronouns, he'll say something like this: "When your mom is having trouble making ends meet, and your uncle is having heart trouble, you really have a hard time not wanting to go home to take care of them." I found this tendency charming, innocent, self-effacing, shy--and sad.
Of course, this was perfect characterization--speaking style is as much of an identity marker as facial features or culinary preferences. Radar was the conduit, the glue for the entire M*A*S*H unit--for him, it was all about the you in his world. He was, literally (and as literature) always the demurring second person--the company gopher, communications manager, the counterpart of the mythical messenger (which is what an angel is) Hermes.
Sometimes, though, as a child of the '60s, I wanted to take him by the shoulders, look him in the eye, and say "own it--use I and me, and my, mine, and myself."
For me, one of the great gifts (and occasional irritation) of language study, teaching, and writing, is that, for me, a megaphone forms around words. When others revert to the "you" mode, when, clearly, they are talking about themselves, I want to take them by the shoulders.
What might be the phenomenology, the conscious experience of you-ing? Let's take an example, one that applies to me: When your first language is Hungarian, you prefer music in minor keys. (1) First, I, as speaker, am distancing myself from the experience; (2) if I, as a listener, don't have Hungarian as my first language, I am distanced.; (3) I, as listener, have to translate the you to I of this statement, which distracts me from the content of the statement; (4) I, as speaker, am relinquishing my personal ownership; (5) hiding behind the generalizing you, I'm making a claim that, in others' experiences, might not be true.
Here's a translation into the first person: My first language is Hungarian, so I prefer music in minor keys. OK. So, I am (1) owning the statement as my experience; (2) inviting listeners who aren't Hungarian to entertain a new perspective, and inviting Hungarians to consider their experience; (3) focusing my listener on my content; (4) owning my experience; (5) inviting both validation and counterpoint to my claim.
How have we come to rely so much on hiding behind the you? That's a historical boulder of a question. Some preliminary guesses: (1) It's safer to make a general you claim. (2) It's an academic mannerism to avoid using the I--as if that lends more truth and invites less argument to one's claims; (3) It's a version of the royal we, used by British monarchs. See (2) for why. (4) It seems more courteous and polite to not reference myself. (5) More locally, I, as teacher, notice that I often use the you during instruction--when you use the comma, for example, or you need to watch out for your use of the second person. Hearing the externalizing you you you in the classroom--and from family, politicians, religious leaders, and on--for all our lives, I'm sure, leads us to favor the you mode.
In class, I have taken to restating students' you-when-I-mean-I statements, as they talk: When you come from a large family becomes I come from a large family; when you don't know when you'll get a job becomes since I don't know when I'll get a job. At the very least, we are all listening more closely to each other.
I teach to learn. It's easier to assign the you of my students to write a poem about hands than to write one myself. (George Bernard Shaw's "those who can, do--those who can't, teach" applies here.) I am experimenting with changing you/your/yours to we/us/our/ours--"Let's write a poem about hands." This makes me appreciate more what my assignments mean.
My devotion is to empower, energize, inspire. There is something pleading and one-downing in you-ing our lives. You-ing says Please validate this, so that I can be OK. Please hear me. When Radar was talking about his family troubles, the subtext was I want to go home--something that a faithful member of the community would not be willing to say.
Using the I/me/mine/myself is to take ownership of my experience--to be who I am. Using I is a going home, in itself.
Let's I-dentify~
© 2014 Susanna Rich
What might be the phenomenology, the conscious experience of you-ing? Let's take an example, one that applies to me: When your first language is Hungarian, you prefer music in minor keys. (1) First, I, as speaker, am distancing myself from the experience; (2) if I, as a listener, don't have Hungarian as my first language, I am distanced.; (3) I, as listener, have to translate the you to I of this statement, which distracts me from the content of the statement; (4) I, as speaker, am relinquishing my personal ownership; (5) hiding behind the generalizing you, I'm making a claim that, in others' experiences, might not be true.
Here's a translation into the first person: My first language is Hungarian, so I prefer music in minor keys. OK. So, I am (1) owning the statement as my experience; (2) inviting listeners who aren't Hungarian to entertain a new perspective, and inviting Hungarians to consider their experience; (3) focusing my listener on my content; (4) owning my experience; (5) inviting both validation and counterpoint to my claim.
How have we come to rely so much on hiding behind the you? That's a historical boulder of a question. Some preliminary guesses: (1) It's safer to make a general you claim. (2) It's an academic mannerism to avoid using the I--as if that lends more truth and invites less argument to one's claims; (3) It's a version of the royal we, used by British monarchs. See (2) for why. (4) It seems more courteous and polite to not reference myself. (5) More locally, I, as teacher, notice that I often use the you during instruction--when you use the comma, for example, or you need to watch out for your use of the second person. Hearing the externalizing you you you in the classroom--and from family, politicians, religious leaders, and on--for all our lives, I'm sure, leads us to favor the you mode.
In class, I have taken to restating students' you-when-I-mean-I statements, as they talk: When you come from a large family becomes I come from a large family; when you don't know when you'll get a job becomes since I don't know when I'll get a job. At the very least, we are all listening more closely to each other.
I teach to learn. It's easier to assign the you of my students to write a poem about hands than to write one myself. (George Bernard Shaw's "those who can, do--those who can't, teach" applies here.) I am experimenting with changing you/your/yours to we/us/our/ours--"Let's write a poem about hands." This makes me appreciate more what my assignments mean.
My devotion is to empower, energize, inspire. There is something pleading and one-downing in you-ing our lives. You-ing says Please validate this, so that I can be OK. Please hear me. When Radar was talking about his family troubles, the subtext was I want to go home--something that a faithful member of the community would not be willing to say.
Using the I/me/mine/myself is to take ownership of my experience--to be who I am. Using I is a going home, in itself.
Let's I-dentify~
© 2014 Susanna Rich
I think people overuse the word "you" because they are trying to express themselves, and they are trying to explain things thoroughly. But there is a way not to use the word "you". The way is the memorize using the words "I" and/or "we", and basically just use other words. That is the way I think people will be able to not overuse the word "you".
ReplyDeleteYes, Generra!
DeleteI believe directing the word "you" in the first person is a mechanism some use to displace the attention of a topic when under pressure, scared, or nervous. After coming to this conclusion I decided to look up what the underlying reason for the 2nd and 1st person confusion. On one website, http://liespotting.com/liespotting-basics/words/ , number 7, (whether it is valid or not) has a theory that it is a sign of how to catch a liar. Confident individuals will use the word "I" and take ownership of the statement. I believe that being capable of naturally using the word "I" shows how comfortable a person is in their own skin.
ReplyDeleteI am Julianna Luksa and I want to own my experiences.
"There is no passion to be found playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." - Nelson Mandela
Thank you, Julianna, for your careful reading and most insightful research! LOVE the Mandela quote! LOVE that you are asserting your own power--for living with passion and commitment!!!
DeleteTina-Marie Lopez posted this on FB in response--It's the apologetic culture, I apologize for my language, I apologize for my culture, I apologize for my sins, I apologize for being gay, I apologize for having an opinion, I apologize for bring sexuality to the forefront, I apologize for knocking over a glass of water, I apologize for being first.
ReplyDeleteWe have taken modesty and guilt and not only perfected it, we have instilled a lack of pride and competitive spirit in our students, observe how many times the meek student apologizes when the dominant speaker starts talking at the same time they do.....
It's grade ranking and hierarchical status, the jock, the musician, the geek, the nerd, the poet, the politician,
Not equality as students, but labeling, labeling, labeling, labeling
And when you don't fit into the label, make sure you apologize for it.....
Arlene Weiner posted this on FB, in response: Students may have a superstition--maybe it's actually been taught--not to use "I" too much. Just as people are shy of "me." Having been corrected when they say, "Me and Tory went to the mall," they self-consciously say "between you and I."
ReplyDeletethe word "You" is common used to describe our true feelings. It wasn't into Dr. Rich Bought it to our awareness in class that i became more self aware of giving up my power to someone else. just common statements like "You made me feel", or "you made me mad", or the classic one "you made me do it" and more. its because of these usage alone that we find our self giving up our power more and more without even knowing it. Its because of this that i find it to be very very hard for me ..I myself to stop saying we us you. so My new challenge this week is to not use those words when I am describing myself and my feelings.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, Thank you for extending our discussion on the use of second person pronouns! Yes! Another way to shirk both responsibility and power is play the blame-game--much hinging on the "you did it" voice. I appreciate how you (this is an appreciative "you") take up each idea, creatively personalize it, and challenge yourself to observe and transform.
DeleteI have to reteach myself to say “I” more often…especially in class. I have been taught to say things a certain way, so I have been conditioned to speak in that way. I will have to recondition myself to speak as if I am in control of my words, which, by my calculations, should take me a good long time to do, since I learned to speak at a young age, and I am no longer in that specific learning mode. It has been said that YOU can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but I say that it is never too late to learn something new, and I usually learn something new every day. I will strive to say “I” more often when I am speaking and try not to speak like I am speaking about someone else.
ReplyDeleteMary Ellen, What's most important is waking up to how we use words and to be more precise and empowered. And don't set yourself up by disaffirmations--another habit. Instead of "old dog new tricks" how's something such as "I'm leaping into it." I appreciate your "you" spin: "not to speak like I am speaking about someone else."
ReplyDeletePeople want to use Second person because they hide their true feelings because they have ulterior motives. Plus, people use You because they like to blame people rather than take responsibility for their actions. After reading this blog post it made me realize I have to watch what I say and make sure I saying my messages in the correct fashion so people can understand them.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jaleel, for expanding our discussion here! I appreciate your commitment to speaking more precisely and truly!
DeleteI chose to read your blog tonight, since we just had class I wanted to read it while it was fresh in my mind. I enjoyed the part where you showed how one sentence can really have two meaning just by replacing the "you" with "I", but when I use the "you" I don't realize how different it is from using "I". I also liked how you dissected each sentence and explained how they can mean two totally different things. This all just confirms how powerful words truly are. Thank you Dr. Rich!
ReplyDeleteThrough our class I have realized that I don't realize when I use "you" instead of "I". I find that really worrisome. I feel that I use "you" so I don't become targeted for what I am feeling. When speaking in I, I feel more confident in what I am saying, and it also causes me to take my time with my thoughts even if I am self-conscious on what I have to say. This blog post reminded me that I should focus more to realize when I switch over to a "you" while speaking. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWow, that "please validate this so I can be okay" line is definitely me when I am using you-statements. I've never thought of it like that though. I wonder what other aspects of my speech and writing style are really saying that same thing...
ReplyDeleteBefore discussing the "you" vs. "I" concept in class, I have never thought about the usage difference and it's made me think a lot. Have I been using the word "you" when speaking to take the attention from myself and trying to make it seem like it's the other person, and not myself? In agreement with Michelle ^^^, this does show how powerful words truly are because after realizing the change from speaking "I" instead of "you," I'm really speaking to myself. This actually made me think about the saying "point one finger, three point back." When someone is pointing their finger to someone else and speak "you," they need to realize that there are three fingers pointing back at themselves meaning they are really speaking to themselves rather than the person they are pointing to which makes the "you" vs. "I" situation even more powerful, to me. I enjoyed reading your blog post. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteDr Rich,
ReplyDeleteI think the word "you" is a word that we as humans hide behind. For example when we say, "you didn't do the work either?" It makes us hide behind someone else who is also on the same boat as us. Or like when we say "you didn't like it either?" The word "you" is a term we use when we can't take ownership with ourselves. When someone else agrees or does the same we feel better, because it's harder to stand alone. What we really should be saying is, "I didn't like it." That's it. We need to take pride and a stand with ourselves. Not include others or make them feel obligated to agree when we say "you." We don't need to hide, we just need to be ourselves.
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteThis is another excellent post. We hear "you" so many times, it's almost if we want to properly correct those who do use it a lot, and say "Use I". I think that our use of little words, including "you", reveal a lot about ourselves, including our insecurities and perhaps even our personalities. An example could be, "You didn't do the homework because it was too difficult? When talking about yourself, it should really be "I didn't do the homework because it was too difficult." I feel that people shy themselves away from stating the truth, and use the word "you" to use it as a back up plan, so that they don't feel as if they are on the spot.
-Valentina Quesada
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is that I’m so over YOU. Not you specifically, Dr. Rich, but the word YOU itself. “You know when you forget to wear deodorant?” No, I don’t know because I’m NOT you! I see it now more than ever. I’m more observant about what those around me say. I am now annoyed by the way other people talk. Therefore, I agree. Speaking, writing, and getting out my words using the pronoun I make me feel stronger, “owning the statement as my experience.” Why do I need to use the second person to mask what I’m really trying to say? Rather, why DID I find the need to use the second person to mask what I was trying to say? I have decided that along with tossing “I Don’t Know” and thoughts that don’t have me “landing my helicopter,” I am tossing the word YOU. I feel that rejecting the use of the word you, really goes along with the saying, “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.” For someone to be in my shoes, they really have to put themselves in my eyes, or in this case in my “I.” I am doing a self- ‘logogectomy,’ for those words and phrases. I have spent enough years not owning up to my language.
-Alessandra Finis
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDelete"You decide how you think, feel and do things in your life. Take full ownership and become free" (Matt Hogan). A quote that began to ring all through my head as soon as I read this excerpt. Even now in 2018, this is an idea that still reigns true and should be exercised daily. To many times have we relied on the approval and the say so of others who may or may not have our best interests at heart. Powering through life with an I/me/mine/myself invites personal growth, confidence and, understanding. How beautiful it must feel to prance around with your head held high sure of yourself and the path you are walking down. This also brings in the idea of the word "No" and how much meaning encompasses such a strong word. There are times in our lives where the word "No" seems like "too much". We do not want too "be mean" or too "harsh". We want to keep up a certain image thus leading us to be doomed when we are then placed in unfortunate situations. The word "No" is another example of a word that when used correctly, allows us to take ownership of our lives. It is a way of life that will only push us to excel within all areas of our lives.
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteYou are the first person that I have ever witnessed call out the ineffective use of second person language. Using second person language allows writers to convey messages from different perspectives, but it also allows writers as individuals to take on a new persona. Now, the problem with this persona, the one we take on with second person language, is that it's a persona, it's not authentic. The persona is not the individual. Being a writer is about being true to your style, your judgements/interpretations, and yourself. I could write the way I (unfortunately) have to teach my 6th grade students to write, with rules and regulations, but that isn't me. The "academic" style of writing does not reflect who I am. My style is casual. I want my reader to enjoy my work. I do not want my read to have to dissect my writing with questions and misunderstandings. To me, a reader should not (usually) need to look up definitions to words while reading prose.
I feel that people use second language when actually talking about themselves because they're words no longer SOUND like that are completely directed towards themselves. I have never met somebody that LOVED listening to someone else talk about themselves. When I speak, I am constantly concerned about other's annoyance about how much I talk about myself.
I should not be concerned about how others feel when I speak. I should only be concerned about the way I feel when I speak because my words are worth sharing. I will not be concerned about seeming "self centered" anymore.
Using the word "you," in place of "I' is a defense mechanism. I'm very guilty of using "you" in place of "I" in my writing in order to place the attention somewhere other than me. It goes back to how apprehensive I am about expressing my feelings toward other people. I’d convinced myself that I was using these “mask” words like you, in order to make the reader feel as though I was talking to them to make the poem or text more relatable, but I have found that there is nothing more relatable that writing in the first person and allowing people to see things through your eyes.
ReplyDeleteTo put in so much work into expressing yourself , just to hand the perspective to someone other than yourself is not doing your art justice.
I actually never thought of it that way, hiding behind the word you. I personally use 'you' all the time but often I can not write in person, well I use more of "one". It makes sense that when using these pronouns that the statement can be generalized to fit everyone. 'You' seemed to powerful to me when put in the texts of papers but as I am typing at this very moment, 'you' just seems like a filler when used in the wrong context.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I really looking back at these old entries because of how it can relate back to this year. I am on social media a lot and there's a thing called "relateable" posts and usually people day something a long the lines like, "when your mom pulls up in the driveway and you haven't defrosted the chicken." followed by a funny image. The original poster uses "you", even though they are talking about themselves and us as the receivers of the joke project ourselves and own experiences to the joke and make it funnier. I think even more now we don't own up to "I" and just use "you"
ReplyDeleteI like the last numbered statements I find them to be true. It is easier to make a “you” claim when referencing something. It distances the author from the situation while still making it be a general claim for all. In school they do not want students using the word I. It is not acceptable in papers, the “you” is preferred. Teachers say you never want to communicate with the reader directly, they reword sentences to make them more general. It does almost seem polite to keep the I out of the narrative. It seems like the narrator tries to make the story about the reader rather than themselves. However I think it would be nice to include the reader and narrator in the work. Show unity and how people can be similar even the vague writer. When someone says “When you come from a large family it is hard to get noticed”, that is putting that feeling and making it seem like that is the case for everyone. By using the I we get to see individuals experiences and that is a good way to write, to be expressive. Also when a teacher instructs in a less demanding, “you” manner it makes students feel better about the work. Just by saying we are going to be doing this today as a class, shows unity. After reading this I think I am going to become more aware of how I write about my experiences and also how others choose to write about their own. There definitely is a sense of confidence when someone uses and embraces the use of I instead of you in a paper.
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI read this post at an interesting time, and I can really connect to it! A few weeks ago (before I read this), I was guilty of using the you instead if I. To make a long story short, I received an alternate side of the street parking ticket on a Tuesday. I took a picture of the ticket and posted it on my Instagram story with the caption, “When yesterday’s holiday has you feeling like it’s Monday and you intentionally park on the wrong side of the street.” A few weeks later I read this post, and now I’m thinking about a topic that had never before even crossed my mind! I’m wondering why I was never conscious of this? I think it’s simply because it’s completely normal and socially acceptable to speak that way. You suggest that by using you the speaker does not own the statement as their experience. But isn’t the fact that I posted the statement to MY Instagram, and was clearly talking about an experience that I had, suggest that I am essentially owning the experience? I could be wrong, but I believe that the audience/listener knew that I was talking about a personal experience I had. I stated it that way because I wanted to connect with my audience. I think that may be a reason why people use the you - simply in an attempt to relate and connect with others. So while I appreciate your perspective and the questions you propose, and agree that some people may be trying to hide behind the you, I think it’s important to also view this from a positive perspective.
After reading this blog I feel as if not referring to myself as "I" in a way shows that "I" do not have confidence in myself. As I was writing that I needed to correct myself because I referred to myself as "yourself" and 'you". I feel that I have been taught for so long to look at the feelings of others and never take the time to take care of myself and think about my feelings. I became apart of many groups causing myself to become a we of many things. I am not disappointed about that but I feel that it cause me to rely on people. This is why it is important to take care of my feelings because they can be easily pushed aside. An activity that may help the issue I am having with referring to myself as "I" is waking up every morning and saying three things about myself starting each sentence with "I am......". This is a task that I will continue to work on.
ReplyDeleteI think the word "you" is a word that we as humans hide behind. The word "you" is a term our society uses when we can't take ownership with ourselves. When someone else agrees or does the same we feel better, because it's harder to stand alone. We constantly address issues with the "you" term because we do not want to show our true feelings or emotions towards something. We need to take pride and stand with ourselves. Not include others or make them feel obligated to agree when we say "you." When you take a step back and think about how often we use "you" instead of "I" it really makes a difference in someones life. It makes you being to appreciate the true feelings you as an individual are feeling.
ReplyDeleteI was always taught in high school not to use the pronoun “I” in my papers to avoid personal bias. It makes the argument less valid because it is talking about my experiences instead of using valid research. So I figured it was okay to use the pronoun “you” instead. I was wrong. Using the pronoun “you” is talking “at” the reader and it doesn’t sound right, especially in certain cases. The following sentence is a great example of how an argument becomes weaker because of the pronoun “you.” “If you fail a test you should try harder next time.” If a teacher is reading a paper with this sentence it most likely doesn’t apply to him/her so it may weaken the argument. The same rule should be applied when having general conversations as well. It takes a little while to get used to writing in third person instead of first and second, but that is the best writing. I love Dr. Rich’s rule. “First is the worst… Second’s not the Best… Third is the Way You Can Pass the Test.”
ReplyDeletePriya Jhaveri
Nicole Diefenbacher
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich
ENG 3000*01
You, I, We
I read a few of the responses to this blog post before writing mine and I think they had some pretty decent points as to why people use the word “you” instead of “I” or “we”. Some said that it is a way to deflect attention. That we hide behind the word “you” when we do not want to take ownership. It’s a defense mechanism.
When I initially read this post, my mind went to academia. How it is ingrained in us from the time we start writing essays that we cannot use the word “I”. It’s always “one can tell” or “the reader can see”. I have a hard time letting go of my left brain ways when it comes to writing poetry and I think it is because of the way our school system teaches. I’ll admit I love routine. When the unexpected happens, I am good at rolling with the punches, but I love routine. And the way that school teaches you is full of routine, so I thought using “you” was just a part of the routine and it was okay.
I can definitely say I am guilty of using the word “you” in my poetry because I feel my thought process is that if I use the word “you” it doesn't make it personal. It makes it easy for the reader to relate to and put themselves in the poem.
But all of my poetry is so so so very personal. So maybe, even if I didn’t think I was, I was using the word “you” as a way to deflect attention and I didn’t even know it.
Responding to this post after being in your class for another semester has given me a fresher insight. using the word "I " in place of "You" subconsciously asserts a dominance that you may be afraid to take hold of. When a statement is relevant to ME , using the word "You" in place of "I " relinquishes the power that I'd have possessed by owning my statement to the "you's" of the world. Using "I " implements a feeling of conviction and challenges me to act on what I've just accused myself of doing or thinking. I genuinely appreciate Dr. Rich for emphasizing the necessity of taking ownership of my words. There is so much power in doing so. It is a tool that has helped ME grow.
ReplyDeleteAs I started writing the response, I was about to write my comment from a “they” point of view instead of “I.” I can not speak for others and others can’t speak for me. My experiences are my own and I guess I try to validate or perhaps invalidate by speaking from others point if that makes sense. I did not realize that I did this as well until Dr. Rich pointed it out in class. I went back to some of my academic papers and I realized that I inputted “you” and ”we” instead of ‘I” many times.I wrote these papers myself, so why was i keen on inserting “you” and “we” instead of “i.” I started asking myself questions and it all came down to trying to distance myself from my work, especially with my poetry. All my poems come from a very personal place and most of the time, people had never heard about these stories. It happened a lot in the beginning as I started writing, but as I progressed, I took ownership of these poems and they became richer because I became vulnerable by inserting ‘I’ instead of “we.”
ReplyDeletePriscilla B.
Seanette Martin
ReplyDeleteFebruary 16, 2019
Eng 4817
Prof Rich
You, I, We Blank Extra Credit
English Seminar has really made me catch myself almost everyday changing the word you to I. I actually like using the word I for some reason it makes me feel like things that I say have so much more authority. When an assignment is assigned I focus on what the professor wants and try to write to please the professor but what about me. Am I being true to myself during these writing assignments or is it about the professor? Of course I want to pass and will follow the expected guidelines but I want to feel comfortable when this assignment is ready to be handed in.
Using the word I can clear up any confusion when relaying a message who would have ever known that the simple word I can go a long way. This blog is one that I feel everyone should read so they can realize how important I is. I remember in one class a student kept saying you, you, you and professor Rich kept redirecting the student to say I. After sitting through the class I understood more why using why is very vital. I am no longer looking for validation I will be validating things for myself with I being my keyword.
This blog post was not for me. I LOVE using the word I. I love voicing my opinion. I love being able to talk in the first person and let everyone know what my ideas are and what I am thinking. I really do enjoy using “I” because it's something women weren’t always allowed to do. Women have had it rough, so we can live better lives. They fought for our rights of equality, so I am going to do them right by showing my dominance. I, a woman, can come up with those ideas, and I, a woman, can speak those words in any way I please. Feminism is something that isn’t talked about enough, and although not related to this blog post, is of utmost importance. Without feminism I might not have been able to write the words I without a man getting in the way. I love using the word I for my ancestors, for strangers, for anyone who has stood up for women. I am a strong woman who can use I whenever I want. Side note, love the show M*A*S*H. My parents and I watch it every night when its on! An absolute classic!
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI feel that in some way, everyone can relate to this post. Whether the person reading this is a student, a friend, a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, a neighbor, a stranger, or a couple they can find something within this article to relate to. When you refer to, "I", Dr. Rich, I think you are trying to refer to not only yourself, but the independent person in general. For example, when someone is trying to focus on an issue that they have, first they need to know themselves. After they know how their own self works and operates, then they are more knowledgeable on how to solve their own problem independently. When you mention, "we" I think you are referring to we as a group of people - we as a society of human beings. We are all people. We are all human beings who are born with raw and pure feelings and emotions. As we go through life, we must ask ourselves how we are doing on a personal level. Are we truly meeting up to our own standards? Only we can be the judges of our own desires - not our teachers, not our parents, not our siblings, not our friends, not our neighbors, not even our pets, but ourselves. In the same token, we only have ourselves to blame for our own actions. How we fix our actions that are inappropriate is also up to us. Society (as a whole) is the one who has the problem separating you, I, and we.
I agree with Julianna Luksa’s response to this blog post. To be absolutely honest, I see that everything always connects to our self worth and self esteem. I have never really been the confident type (I still really don’t know why this is. I need a therapist for this). It explains why I love you-ing. I think it is a form of seeking validation as well as me not being comfortable with myself and my own experiences. Even though I am pretty much an open book and talk about my experiences a lot, it doesn’t feel like it is my own, anymore. I recounted my story so many times that it has no effect. It simply is.
ReplyDeleteI don’t like to own up to my own experiences which is one the reasons why you-ing is just so much easier. It is usually safe to say assumptions in the second person because you know (wow) that the statement that you are saying is general. It doesn’t apply to anybody but it also applies to everybody at the same time. If a student starts you-ing, they are playing it safe because you don’t hurt anybody or cause an argument by expressing your own (controversial possibly?) opinions. I also do agree that we have heard the second person voice so much from professors and parents that it is naturally ingrained in us.
But we, as students, have to start getting used to owning up to our own experiences, thoughts and opinions. If someone ridicules us about our opinion, we have to know that it simply does not matter. Even though the term “We” is strong, “we” starts with “I” And I for one, will start using I to refer to my opinions in full confidence and absolution. As Pat Benetar once said, “hit me with your best shot.”
For me, the use of "you" came when I attended middle school in New Jersey. Growing up in New York with my family from Trinidad, we had a more British upbringing. Word choices were different but correct. It wasn't until I moved to New Jersey and had my teachers blatantly correct me. I remember having a gym teacher and every other word was "you, yous guys, ya'll". Everyone thought I spoke weird, but at that age I guess I wanted to fit in and be liked for I changed the way I said things. I took on the use of the 'you". It does sound weird after a time but just like most habits, it is hard to break and start over.
ReplyDeleteIn high school, that's when I definitely realized teachers, who I believe should know better, actually didn't because the use of 'you' was running rampant in our conversations. Wow!
When we or people begin you-ing, I guess it's a form of connecting yourself to the other person, a.k.a relatable, trying to push for some type of empathy; in addition, to not wanting to offend or confuse anyone. Strangely, we don't realize that the focus of the topic is now on the you-ing because you begin to ask many unrelated questions. Just having the control and power over yourself, "I, me, myself," makes the topic more relatable.
To be empowered, energized and inspired somewhat goes against what already has been programmed in us without directly stated. We are now at the point where we do need to separate ourselves and recognize our individuality, " I am, I feel, I want, I understand."
You can
I can
We can
Find a way to connect and still be an individual.
Meagan AWP 5000
February 8th, 2014 You, I, We
ReplyDeleteWow! I’m very amazed with this post Dr. Rich. Not only I have learned that take ownership and translate the “you” into “I” also, when saying “I” instead of “you” sounds very different but feels good to say it. I agree 100% on that “It's an academic mannerism to avoid using the I--as if that lends more truth and invites less argument to one's claims;” Also, It is SOOO mind blowing that in school we were taught to use “you” when expressing myself and my emotions rather then replacing it with “I” which is it a real meaning of own how I expressed myself or my emotions. Even until now some writing classes will tell me to change the “I” with “you” or “them”. I didn’t have this awareness until I heard Dr. Rich discussing it in class and after reading this post which gave me a better understanding that I noticed I don’t take ownership to my statements when talking about myself. I understand how different it sounds and mean to say it I first person rather then second person. Really liked the example with the Hungarian language and music.
Jessica Molina
ENG 4000
I never truly notice that I used the word you as when trying to refer to myself or my experience. Again, Dr. Rich, O would like to thank you for opening my eyes up to yet another embed habit I must quit! I can not truly recall when I started this habit, but I think it is something that has formed in me from childhood. Delving back into my childhood memories, I cannot recall, yet again, any of my own family members (Adults included!) ever taking true ownership in expressing their emotions, experiences, beliefs, and etc.
ReplyDelete“When you are feeling some type of way, you tend to act this way.”
“You know when something bad happens to you, it tends to be your fault”
Now looking back at these memories with a more experienced mind, I can see the reason behind the yous and not the I’s stem from. Growing up in a house full of strong, proud, single black women, there was too much pride to admit to one’s own experience.
“When you act like a fast girl, you get treated like one.”
When was I ever fast? What did I do so bad? I am going to be 25 years old in a couple of hours and I still haven’t done anything that can even remotely put me in the same space as that phrase. Let’s try and turn this statement around:
“When I acted like a fast girl, I got treated like one.”
I think my family needs you Poetry Class Therapy Dr. Rich!
Patricia D. AWP 5000
During your first class this semester, I never really took into consideration how much I use the word “you” instead of “I, me, myself, etc.” It’s an eye opening experience to see how much we don’t own up to as a generation. Referencing a previous comment back in 2014, Generra Johnson commented on this post and responded, “I think people overuse the word "you" because they are trying to express themselves, and they are trying to explain things thoroughly.” It also gives me time to stop and think what I’m about to say next because I want to make sure that I own up to my own words, my own feelings, my own experiences, my own life.
ReplyDeleteThis idea of using I instead of you when speaking is very intriguing. When people use you when speaking in the first person it opens the conversation up to other people and projects the speakers life unto the viewer. This has been done countless times in thousands upon thousands assembles in schools all across the world. A speaker will come in and talk about his or her or their experience with jail, drugs, etc and project themselves upon the students with the hope that they won’t turn out like themselves. It is curious to think about what it would be like if these speakers used I instead of you. The word I makes it more individual and personal. Would the effect on the students be the same or different? Instead of thinking about themselves when listening to the speaker, would it then incite them to react sympathetically or empathetically? It is strange that I have not thought about this before. The switch between the two can change an entire story or conversation. I don’t think it’s bad if someone uses you instead of I because it can mean something different in terms of feelings. Sometimes people want others to feel for them or feel with them. Example: “It’s hard when you lose someone” or “ I lost someone and it’s hard”. The former offers a shared emotional experience between the viewer and the speaking where the latter asks for sympathy. I now understand the benefits of using I instead of you, however I still feel there are occasions that you can serve a conversation better than I.
ReplyDeleteMarcos Vasquez
I believe using "you" instead of "I" gives the speaker comfort. I know for me, it does. When I am talking about myself, and about certain highly sensitive and personal stories or topics, I have used "you" as a way to deflect the attention of from me and back to the audience or the listener. It is a way to reach comfortability between the person who is talking and whoever is listening. I also believe that power of one's self has a tremendous amount of influence regarding the use of "you" vs. "I". Within our society, I think not only me, but most of us are conditioned to not take control over our voice. First of all, it is not highly praised in school, family or the workplace, even though our opinions and perspectives do matter. Yet when do you feel good about expressing those exact notions? Not very often. "You, I, we" stems from a lot of factors: childhood, societal norms, or structures, psychology, self esteem, and past experiences. I also think saying "you" is way to create connection between the speaker and the audience, so the speaker feels less focused on.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post definitely made me realize how often I do this, and now, I definitely want to make this habit less present in my life and I want to own my voice by using "I" more regularly, so eventually it becomes a natural occurrence.
Julia Bolbotowski Writing Poetry Spring 2020
I never really thought about how often I heard this manner of speaking growing up. It was mostly my parents dictating the ways I should live my life. For instance, my parents would never have sleepovers with friends (they sleep at my house, or I sleep at theirs) for a pretty absurd reason. “Sos hombre, y los hombres no están supuestos dormir con otros hombres”. Essentially, “You're a man, and when you're a man you are not supposed to sleep with other men.” As if as A KID, they were conditioning me away from being homosexual. Like it’s so out of the question for a Latino boy to grow up being into the same gender. Thinking back it’s pretty bizarre, being told “Because I am a man, I could not, should not, and will not be into other men ''. I am a straight man, but as if I, me, the person who does all the feeling for myself, needs to be conditioned in a way that probably caused me to loss a lot of friendships over some weirdo fu**** up homophobia that my parents had. But I digress. Nowadays, I can’t really think of times where I’ve used “You” as a generalization when talking about something that I have experienced, or felt. I tend to take ownership of everything that I’ve been through, and the things that I’m feeling. But I won’t be surprised if I end up slipping up sometime in class this semester, and I’ll be counting on you Dr. Rich to correct me when I shy away from taking ownership of something that is my own.
ReplyDeleteChristian Paiz
AWP Spring 2020