"Look," I said, "all the balls are together in the corner, and not one at the net." So, in The Inner Game of Tennis, Timothy Gallwey remarks to a group of students who had just finished successfully hitting back thirty balls. Gallwey adds,
Although semantically this remark was simply an observation of fact,
my tone of voice revealed that I was pleased with what I saw. I was
complimenting them, and indirectly I was complimenting myself as their
instructor.
To my surprise, the girl who was due to hit next said, "Oh, you
would have to say that just before my turn!" (38-39)
In the following series of balls, the students reported that they were less aware of their feet and hand positions--concerned as they had become with hitting the ball over the net. And they kept missing. In response to Gallwey's implicit compliment, they had become distracted, self-conscious, and absent-minded. Educator Claire Weinstein would say that they had become focused on performance instead of mastery--the score (grade, approval, ranking) instead of the what and how of a skill.
Gallwey's book radically transformed my sense of writing workshop. Students understand how corrosive negative judgments are--vague, undeveloped, derivative, boring. But they are initially shocked when I stop them from praising each other's work. No Wow, Great, Powerful, Amazing allowed. Compliments are comparisons--they polarize. I know that in workshops of my own work, something withers in me when someone else is complimented--and, I find myself become dependent on/victim of those who will be reviewing my work. I start writing to manage their responses, instead of writing to create something genuine. In one disastrous workshop, a poet savaged my work, claiming he wanted to take me to the next level--then, feeling guilty for his harsh treatment of my work, spent the rest of the afternoon over-complimenting everyone else. Ouch!
I've seen this happen in the classes I coach when a compliment is delivered--across the room, someone slightly rounds her shoulders, someone else masks envy with a fake smile. The more forthright will spurt an epithet followed by "Just slit my wrists, now." When the next person's poem is in review, a writer will preface the workshop with apologies, explanations, a lot of don't hurt me chatter. All this creates an adversarial atmosphere.
So, how are we to develop our various crafts--writing, giving and receiving responses, teaching. How are we to be godparents to each other's work? How do we move from the politics of praise to appreciation? Throughout his book, Gallwey emphasizes two things:
(1) Keep your eyes on the ball.
(2) Increase your awareness of "what actually is" (34).
Focusing on what should/might garner compliments isn't focusing on what is. As his student put it, "
Compliments are criticisms in disguise! Both are used to manipulate
behavior, and compliments are just more socially acceptable! (40)
The language of what is is what we develop, not only in writing workshop, but in literature courses. Let's take a stanza from Dickinson:
Wild nights -- Wild nights!
Were I with thee
Wild nights should be
Our luxury.
We could yadaya about how spare, risk-taking, sensual, breath-taking, OMG she is (notice the focus on she and not the poem). This is fawning, not appreciation. Here's how we notice what is:
(1) REMEMBER. We look away from the poem and report back what we remember. Simply, and without judgment or comparison. We look back on what tended to stick.
(2) DISCERN PATTERNS. What is on the page?
four lines
four syllables per line
visually, the first line is longer than the others
Wild, Were, and Our are capitalized
the sound w appears in wild, were
wild is repeated three times
three punctuation marks, in this sequence: -- ! .
high frequency vowel sounds of ai in wild, nights, I, luxury
exclamation point after the second Wild nights
when reading the poem aloud, the mouth puckers and unpuckers on w's
and widens on ai's
(3) ASK WHERE DOES THE STANZA BEGIN FOR YOU? Working on our poems in process, this question helps the writer consider alternative beginnings.
(4) ASK WHERE DOES THE STANZA END FOR YOU? See (3) beginnings=endings.
(5) ASK WHAT DID I LEARN FOR MY OWN WRITING?
There's more. With a student's permission, I will post a blog on how we responded to a particular poem and what we learned by KEEPING OUR EYES ON WHAT IS.
Alexander Pope coined the expression "Damning with faint praise." There is a lively discussion on the internet, arguing that "faint" should be "feigned." I agree. Too often, well-meaning teachers and responders will feign--pretend--a compliment--the old sandwich method--say something nice, say something critical, say something nice. That's condescension. It's insulting. We know it's pro forma. We walk away feeling damned with praise.
Appreciating each other's words takes patience, time, and effort. It's so much easier to dismiss someone with a compliment of Great! But oh, the difference saying what is makes! I'm posting this blog on Valentine's Day, 2014. Instead of saying, "You look great," my hubby said, "the gold snake on your earring picks up on the highlights in your hair." Did he ever (in novelist Vladimir Nabokov's words) Caress the details?!
Gallwey keeps his eyes on the ball and racket. We are writers: let's keep our eyes on the word and Penn.
©
2014 Susanna Rich
There are compliments and there are complements. One is praise, the other completes/enhances its subject, like your husband's remark about your earrings and your hair--it completed your look, or enhanced your look.
ReplyDeletePraise seems to be something innate that humans seek—at least this human. I remember being very young in school…perhaps in 2nd grade…and I was called the “teacher’s pet” because I couldn't do enough for the teacher, since I was always seeking her praise for something well-done. As a young girl I remember always being by my mother’s side, so that I could assist her with baking, hoping to receive her praise for a cake or cookies that came out of the oven just perfect. I needed the praise. I still crave compliments on my artwork. I want to know that I have done my work right and that someone is appreciative.
I am constantly in search of praise from those around me: my children, who I cook for, usually compliment my cooking abilities, and when they don’t, I tell them I’m not a restaurant and they can make their own dinner the next time; my friends compliment me for being a great friend, especially in time of need; my church’s pastor compliments me for being thorough in my financial abilities as treasurer, and so on. I do what I do, not only to be the best that I can be, but to seek the praise of those around me. A little pat on the back, for a job well-done, goes a long way with me. I think most would say the same thing.
I know that I would rather have a compliment than a sarcastic remark, which could be taken either way, like the mention of the tennis teacher in your article. I understand the need for not complimenting one student over another in class. It can be painful not to hear a compliment when others are on the receiving end of one. Stating my likes or dislikes of a particular student’s work may actually seem like the same thing during a workshop. I know that even though there is “constructive criticism” in the creative world, it is difficult for me to be on the receiving end. Constructive criticism is still criticism, and to receive even a hint of it, no matter how good intentioned it was meant to be, is still, at times, discouraging for my ears to hear.
Ah, Mary Ellen, if I'm hearing you right, I totally empathize: I crave to be noticed, appreciated, loved, included. When we drop mere praise--and judgment in its many guises--we open to that world of appreciation, love, community, gratitude. There's lots more to explore in our workshops. I am so grateful for your presence--your generosity, attention, and honesty.
ReplyDeleteI think praise makes people feel better. But it is true that praise can also make a person feel bad. So what do you do to avoid using praise. I would do what I do at my job. I target the child's strengths first and then I tell them that this subject or topic can use more improvement. And that always works. As for in poetry class, we can edit the poem instead of compliment on it.
ReplyDeleteI believe people do hide their true feelings by saying something nice that they don't truly mean. After reading this blog post I understand why you don't want us to compliment on each others work.
ReplyDeleteI prefer us to appreciate each other's work, not merely praise.
DeleteFor me, it is not so much the compliments or acclaim that people provide, it is validation. What I mean to say is making someone feel like what they do matters and is worthy of participation. Praise is short lived but validation solidifies a person's confidence to further their work. Often people embark on new journeys and endeavors which can be pretty lonely and frightening; there can be feelings of uncertainty. for instance, when I switched my major over to English it was a very difficult transition because I was new and did not feel welcomed into the community of "writers" but I was relentless in my efforts and to finally have peers validate something that was meaningful to me, was far greater than any praise could ever be.
ReplyDeleteGraig, I appreciate your introducing the concept of validation to our repartee here! Yes! How can we best validate each other and our community of poets?!
Delete"For it is only human for men not to bear praise of others beyond the point at which they still feel they can rival their exploits. Transgress that boundary and they are jealous and incredulous." From Pericles's Funeral Oration over the Athenian dead in the first year of the Peloponnesian War. As quoted by Thomas Cahill in Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea. New York: Doubleday (239-240).
ReplyDeleteDr Rich,
ReplyDeleteI think compliments and praises are needed everynow and then. As a child, I wasn't praised or complimented which always left me unshure of things. For example, I didn't know if I was doing chores good at home because no one praised me telling me I did. I don't think a person needs to hear them everyday to give their life meaning and purpose. Praises and compliments should not be giving you a reason to live. But they are important every now and then. Which I why I always make sure to do it for others. Because sometimes we need to know that we are doing a good job or that we look damn good.
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI agree with this blog post very much. I was not always praised by every professor or teacher I've had in life. Even friends I've had growing up. I think compliments and praises are needed more in the world today. Yesterday, I went to Dunkin Donuts with my mom to get some treats. The girl behind the register was most definitely having a bad day. I could tell by her expressions, and her body language. I could also tell by the way she did not greet us - just stared, impatiently waiting for us to order. Long story short, she grabbed the wrong muffin I asked for, to which I politely corrected her. She threw the one she had in her hand back on the shelf, and went to go make my mom her chai latte. I was furious as to how she was acting towards me, but my mom pulled me aside and said, "Honey, you don't know what she is going through. I know you're upset with how she's acting and you have every right to feel angry about it." As my mother went to pick up her chai latte, she smiled at the girl and said, "Thank you so much. You have a great night, sweetie. And happy holidays". The girls mood immediately changed - it was incredible. Sometimes in life, people just need to hear nice things. They need compliments. They need praise- including children, who go above and beyond to get noticed. A simple compliment and act of kindness a day to someone is what it is going to take to make the world a better place. We need to be told often how good we are doing, or "Hey, I like your shirt/shoes/makeup/etc." It feels good to hear these things.
-Valentina Quesada
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading through this post I thought about our poetry class. One of the first times we ever workshopped (this also applied to senior seminar too) you told us we weren’t allowed to compliment one another. At first, I was confused. How could I possibly critique someone’s amazing work and not be allowed to say, “wow this is amazing!” You started with the idea of, “which lines stick out?”, which was number on your list of noticing what is. As class sessions progressed I really started to enjoy critiquing work and having my work critiqued by seeing what stood out to other readers. Who would have thought that italicizing the word ‘slipped’ in my poem would be the word that stuck out to one of my classmates the most? After adapting all these new concepts, my favorite part always ended up being the question, “What did I learn for my own writing?” Self-reflection and applying everything I learn in school and through others is my favorite thing to do. I really appreciated learning how to read through others work and not overly praise it. Although the whole post was great, the last few lines were my favorite because they reminded of a conversation Paige, yourself, and I had at the start of the semester. You talked about how your husband doesn’t just tell you that, “You look great,” he “caress[es] the details.” I hope that everyone caresses the details not just my writing life but everywhere in my life. Because THAT to me is a compliment, the parts of me that stick out, not “looking great today.”
-Alessandra Finis
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteThis post made me think a lot about what the world would be like if people were simply honest with one another. Of course, politically, the world would be COMPLETELY different, but day-to-day interactions fueled with honestly would make life so much easier to understand. It's kind of like having a crush on somebody, prolonging the process of simply being with them. If we were to say to somebody "I have romantic feelings for you." we would save ourselves a lot of time and stress harboring on the honesty. It is what it is. Why do we dance around that concept?
I believe that praise can definitely be encouraging, but I do understand that it is not always constructive. I don't believe that praise is necessarily negative but I can grasp how it can be comparative.If one person in the room is getting praised, another may feel bad. However, like Mary Ellen, I crave feed back as well as praise from the people around me.
ReplyDeleteI've always had my friends read my poetry and have only received praise which has never really helped me progress as a writer. Having poetry be the means of which I express my deepest emotions, receiving criticism in place of praise was difficult for me at the start of our course because I'm very defensive about my emotions. However, I've come to appreciate specifics and criticism because it's only made my poetry better.
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteThis post struck me hard because I actually have a story about peer-review and some students. Last Spring I took a business and professional writing class and I was the English-Writing major in the class while every other student was either in business, marketing, or economics. These students gravitated towards me to peer-review their papers and I was overwhelmed. I gladly took my time critiquing and editing their papers to them to help them get a good grade.
MEANWHILE- whenever I asked for feedback on my papers it was, "It's good.", "Doesn't need fixing.", "Perfect." With no marks on the paper and facial expressions that made me want to punch them in the face. They clearly did not care about my paper so after that whole thing, I did the exact same thing and wrote, "perfect, good, doesn't need fixing" on their papers.
Fact- I got a 100 on all the papers in that class, but it made me question is anyone ever really honest in peer-review? Like throughout all my classes has every student I peer-reviewed with lied straight to my face because they did not want to read my paper or were they just lazy and wrote "good" on it. However, in our class the peer-reviewed has helped tremendously. Everyone in the class cares about each other and their work which actually made me really enjoy the peer-review sessions we had throughout the course of the semester.
Kristen Calderoni
It was interesting to read, compliments are criticism in disguise. Definitely going to overthink when people compliment, but besides that it is just a social norm for us to be extremely nice to each other. That saying respect others and others will respect you applies to this topic, because no ones wants to be critical against a peer's work. In out workshop this semester, though I really enjoyed it, others did not simply because they did not want to hear what negative things people may or may not say. On my particular paper, the class basically cut my entire paper and told me where I needed to start was all the way at the back, but I didn't take it the wrong way because in a sense we are writing for our peers and there's no better to figure out what you can improve on and add more to. I actually got A's on both my rough draft and final, I only revised it because I knew I could do better and even you Dr. Rich said that there was more I could explore.
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI have mentioned in other posts on your blog that I love writing. This passion comes not only from the good feeling it brings me, but from the numerous stamps of approval I have received from my work. However, over the past few years, I have grown content with my writing skill and style. Professors have hardly corrected anything, let alone introduce new ideas or new methods for writing. I understand that I have thus far sounded conceited and maybe too prideful of my writing, and I want to denounce those claims. I still have a long way to go before I can consider my own work of any true significance. Yet how can I improve when the only feedback I receive from my professors and classmates in other workshops are compliments?
When I retrieve my multiple copies of my papers from my fellow classmates with the corrections, I find no corrections at all. I find smiles faces and "Good job!" or "I agree" throughout the margins. Although everyone likes a boost of confidence, I am tired of the participation-trophy-everyone-did-great watered down approach to writing workshops. It does not help the student. In my own encounters with compliments in workshops, I feel that my writing is not where I know it could be if I had harsher criticisms and more guidance to improvements. For that reason, I stopped complimenting anyone's papers hoping they would give me a dose of my own medicine and be overly critical of my work. I think that in today's world, nobody wants to tell the truth and would rather cover something ugly with an "it's okay, you tried" Band-Aid rather than face the truth head-on. Sometimes, things have the potential to be greater than the mediocrity that they have settled for and I think that compliments in writing workshops enforce comfort and content rather than motivate students to improve.
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteHaving three children, I really appreciate this post. As parents, we are the sole source of self-esteem for our children in their early years. We don't want to them to develop poor self esteem, so we constantly find ways to praise and compliment them. And while I do believe that is extremely important, I agree with Timothy Galloway in that sometimes, in praising children, we just place additional pressure on them to always feel the need to please. Like Claire Weinstein said, they begin to focus on their performance. I can remember when my oldest child started playing soccer. I was standing on the sidelines with the other parents, many of who were screaming at their little player like they were playing for the World Cup!! They were clapping, cheering them on, and coaching from the sidelines. I stood there for a while, not saying anything, just watching my son do what he loved to do. He was playing so good - he scored his first goal within the first 5 minutes. Soon enough I joined in with the crowd and after his second goal I yelled out, "You are playing so good! Keep up the good work!" He looked so happy hearing me say those words. Well, right after that I noticed a change in him. He kept looking over at me on the sidelines, and anytime he kicked the ball out of bounds or missed his shot on goal, he would turn and look at me with disappointment in his eyes. It's like as soon as I complimented him, that's all he could focus on. He was distracted and his gameplay was affected. Now after reading this post and thinking back, I realize that even though I was trying to boost his confidence, if I would've just let him play, he may have actually had more confidence!!!
Maryann
ReplyDeleteI was surprised at the beginning of the semester when I found out the class was not allowed to give praises for each other's work. Many times I wanted to praise someone's poem it was moving and written beautifully but I remembered the no compliment rule which was weird to me. I understand it could discourage others if they don't get the same compliment but that is something we could all work towards. Also that person that was complimented is going to feel that their message got across and feel proud of their work. We all read the poem together in workshop we know if it's a beautifully written compelling poem, by no one actually addressing it doesn't mean we're not still thinking it. For me I do relate my work to theirs noticing the advancement they have over my poems but it makes me work harder try to pick out what works well for them. I completely agree with the checklist for reviewing someone's work it is important to talk about the actual poem what worked what didn't. Personally I would still like to throw in a "I really love this poem it moved me you did a good job of...." and we can still discuss all the ways it worked and could improve.
In my first workshop in Dr. Rich’s class, Dr. Rich told us to give feedback on other peoples work without giving compliments and I was naturally confused. When she explained why I began to understand. I am not writing for other people, I am writing for myself and I am by no means hungry for praise. Instead of hearing, “Wow! I love your work,” I would rather listened to what someone liked about my work for I can continue doing it. I also don’t mind constructive criticism. If there is something I could do better, I would love to hear what it is. I learned that vague compliments are insults in disguise. Anyone can flatter me and tell me I look good today. I will actually be complimented when someone tells me what makes me look good. Is my hair bouncier than usual? Is the highlight on my face on point? I have stopped damning people’s work with praise. Instead of saying “I like your paper. It is really good,” I go into detail with what I like about it so the person I am talking so continues to do it.
ReplyDeletePriya Jhaveri
I always thought praising was a good thing, and it is but it can be good in so many different ways. Praising doesn't need to be a materialistic object, which is what every kid wants nowadays. Sometimes by not praising, it pushes people to do better and better so that they can eventually achieve that praise. In Dr.Rich's class we had the opportunity to peer review or look over our peers papers and one rule was to not praise the student. We were to to say what we didnt like about that paper because if we praised the students for what they did well they wouldn't go back and change that paper, and the student wouldn't know what was done poorly and not up to Dr. Rich's standards. When the student would get their paper back and they didnt do so well they would question why everyone said it was good when the grade was poor. If we dont praise this will make the student fix what the problem is or try harder so they can get a good grade or score a point in their sports game. Children nowadays get participation trophies and this makes them want to continue playing the sport because they were praised even if they were awful and that is wrong. Praise is good but it can be used differently than giving n object to every child saying they did great when they didn't, that is setting them up for failure in the future when they don't actually win the trophy. Everyone loses at least once in their life and if children are taught from a young age that everyone wins they are going to struggle later in life when they dont win. A child can be praised by words, "good job" "nice shot" "that was amazing" that will let them know they're going well and to keep it up. Praising most of the time is more negative than positive unless you do it right and the person understands the reasoning behind it.
ReplyDelete-Melanie Azevedo
Dear Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteFunny how we never think of praise as something that can hinder us. I have had moments when I know a classmate has said or done something wrong and thinking about not hurting their feelings just say they did good. Now I feel bad about myself, because maybe if I would have said what I really felt it would have helped that classmate to better themselves. And it is also weird how we are always looking for compliments. We most times do things just to get that “great job” or “well done”, but how important it is to hear that from strangers and other people in your life? Shouldn’t you know when you have done a good job, shouldn’t you feel it? Of course, as a child a compliment validates that you are doing well, that you have learned something. But how important is it as an adult? I think it is more a sense of validation and knowledge that someone else noticed your hard work, not so much as if you really need to hear it. When I write something I want others to like it, to take something out of it, to enjoy it. By telling me so, then I feel that I have done what I was aiming for. This post requires a second look, because every time I read it I find something new about it.
Nicole Diefenbacher
ReplyDeleteDr. Rich
ENG 3000*01
Damning with Praise
Not complimenting was by far the hardest thing I have had to learn to do during this semester. Saying “I love this” is a lot easier than finding words to truly explain your appreciation for someone’s work.
Complimenting is easy and superficial. I can give someone a compliment and not think twice about it. Because giving a compliment is easy. But expressing something deeper, like a true appreciation when reading someone’s work, is a lot more difficult.
I also realized that when people are reading my work, saying “I love it so much” does absolutely nothing to help me. As you know, Gianna and I sit next to each other in class. We have read each other’s original pieces as well as first, second and third revisions. There was a line in one of her poems that I absolutely adored, not only because it was well written, but because I could relate to it so profoundly. If I were to have read it at the beginning of the semester, I do not think I would have taken the time to explain why I appreciate it as I would now that I have learned the importance of appreciating instead of just complimenting.
As a person who works with preschoolers, I have been taught to not just say “Good job” when te children do something. I am supposed to say what they did a good job on for the children to understand there is a reason they are receiving that compliment. I do believe this slightly aligns with this blog post. As a writer, I will be honest that I do feel “happy” when someone compliments my work. I am human and I get satisfaction from compliments about my work. When we started workshopping in poetry class, it did take a while for me to get used to the system telling the poet what worked or what was not working as the reader. However, as time went on I became comfortable hearing others opinions and reactions about my work because it helped as I revised it.
ReplyDeleteAs we transitioned to small group workshop, I would tell my workshop partners to “hit” me as to tell me what I am doing right and what I could work on. It became so beneficial because I saw my poems through their eyes and I became very appreciative of them taking the time to take and live in my poem.
Priscilla B.
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteThis way of teaching is one that I have never seen before, but I love it. Like you mentioned, I was shocked when you told our class that we weren't allowed to compliment each other and I couldn't grasp why. After the whole workshop, however, I was able to see why. I was able to learn from others mistakes, as well as my own. When people would compliment others for their title or something else, I would get insecure as I felt my paper wasn't good enough. When people compliment others, it makes those who didn't get complimented feel bad. On the other hand, pointing out negative things made everyone feel good because everyone had something wrong. Although it seems crazy, this method definitely works and helps to promote positivity and learning in the end.
Sarah Otero
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeletewhile reading this post I can understand that sometimes Praise can be a bad thing as you've seen in your classes. But I believe its a helpful tool for a young writer trying to get their words out there. I believe there is a lack of communication and that with each praise should follow a critique. Ive also began to realize that just by your reaction "spent the rest of the afternoon over-complimenting everyone else. Ouch" we as a society have never learned to accept compliments or praise correctly or hear someone else give it to one another and not feel ashamed. Just because someone else's work was praised or is great it should diminish the effort we have into our work just because we didn't get praised. I believe praising someones work is helpful when the people around are content in themselves and in their work. I believe people need to thought how to accept someone else getting praised, and truly I don't believe you should stop your students from praising one another works because frankly that isn't realistic, while you can stop it in your class you cant stop in the real world. I believe college should get us ready for the real world, and if you believe we can't handle someone else's work being praised without it diminishing our work that you should teach us how to.
Hajrah Malik
Lately, I’ve been yearning to hear my mom say that she’s proud of me but it never comes. I feel like nothing is ever good enough when it comes to her. I hear strangers tell me how proud they are of me but not my own mother and it completely sucks. Do I really need her validation to make the things I’m doing with my life feel real? The answer is no but I’m so used to getting praise and compliments from total strangers that I would expect it from my own mother. When I do a paper I live for comments from my professors to let me know what I did good on and some criticism doesn’t hurt because I feel it makes you become better.
ReplyDeleteIn English Seminar, Dr. Rich doesn’t want us giving compliments on our peers' work or speaking about what you like and dislike because I understand where others may feel some type of way if they don’t receive the same feedback as another student. I have come to the realization that I really don’t need other people to praise or compliment me or my work as long as I believe in myself and stay true to myself that’s what counts. What you eat don’t make me shit is the saying so basically how someone feels about my work shouldn’t affect me because I like it. I remember cooking my first Thanksgiving dinner in my new place and I was so terrified that all these people were coming over and the food might come out disgusting. Although, I knew that I could cook I starting thinking about how others would feel about my food. When all the food was ready I loved how everything came out but when the guest arrived I made it very clear this was my first time making some of these dishes and wanted to know all the feedback. At the end of the night, there was countless praise for the food and that showed me I didn’t need that praise because I knew the food was good.
All our lives people always want someone to praise and give them the confidence they always wanted. Giving compliments like Nice Job, is nice to hear, but not something truly satisfactory. Kids always want to hear from their parents that they are proud or a coach to actually praise them on their abilities not just a general action. Complimenting and praising are two completely different things, that are mixed up everyday. This happens even in the classroom of a school. Since I have been in Dr. Rich’s class I have realized that teachers tell us what we want to hear and us students thought it was enough until I realized the truth. I don’t want to see a comment or two on a paper, but actual words that mean something to help me improve on my interpretation and way of writing as an English major. By not complimenting it doesn't affect or make others feel insecure about their paper, but praising we are able to give everyone positive feedback and help on creating the best paper possible. Its okay to be critiqued and shown what is not right in something you have written or created. Everyone makes mistakes and its okay to make them. In class I loved when we workshopped and give praises, but also positive critiques to help improve our papers. Everyone was treated equally and got the same type of feedback so no one was treated higher than another.
ReplyDeleteI love love love trying to make people’s day better by praising them. I don’t make some bullshit up either, I give them the honest truth and praise them for it. For example, I was at the the nail salon trying to get a pedicure before vacation. Since it was the summer, they were packed and understaffed. I waited a half an hour before being helped, which I was fine with. The lady who was doing my toes must have been new, because she kept asking the lady next to her for help. The pedicure was mediocre at best, but she was trying her hardest. When she began painting my toes, she got nail polish on my skin. I was not worried, because it comes off in the shower. The owner of the store came over and began scolding her right in front of me!! Which I thought was completely out of line. She has the woman take the nail polish off my skin before letting me leave. I went to pay, and the boss gave me a discount because it was the girl’s first time giving a pedicure. Before leaving, I went to the girl and gave her a ten dollar tip and told her not to be discouraged, she did an excellent job, and I’ll see her in two weeks! She has gotten much better at pedicures, but the moral of the story is that giving a little praise is not going to hurt anyone. She seemed like she was having a bad day, and she needed the reassurance. I try to praise everyone I meet, because you truly don’t know what they’re going through, and you don’t know how one single act of kindness can change a person’s entire perspective on life.
ReplyDeleteWhen reflecting upon past courses I can recall numerous professors having peer review workshops. I never took a liking to this being that I wouldn’t receive any thoughts or opinions on my paper. Classmates would return my paper stating, “It sounds/looks good.” I strongly disliked this because I was frequently left asking, “What made it sound good?” or “Is there anything they disliked and/or can I approve upon anything?” Due to this, one would think that I gave the best feedback on my peer’s papers. Unfortunately, this was not true as I followed in my peer’s footsteps. I often left the same comments that I received and would not elaborate on what I had wrote. Thankfully, this lack of feedback all changed when I enrolled in this course. I appreciated that you made us, the students, to expand upon our thoughts and/or opinions. Due to this, one was capable of viewing what others appreciated in regards to their work. I was able to know what needed work in my paper and why it needed work. I also enjoyed listening to the suggestions that my peers gave me as well. Essentially, when one is only giving compliments it does not allow that individual to progress in their writing. Individuals are left with the same draft that they brought to class with nothing to work on when they return home because their peers failed to give them an explanation for their comment. I can admit that I was first annoyed when I had to use my words and explain my reasoning for liking and/or disliking something but it overall assisted my peer’s work and my own. I aim to use this when I am reading my peer’s assignments in my future classes as well as when I am reading my own papers.
ReplyDeleteBailey Vick
Dr. Rich,
ReplyDeleteI would have never thought about praise as the topic for a blog post. That exact first sentence is proof that I myself am a workaholic! I do not praise or self-reward myself as much as I should. As I mentioned in a response to a previous post, we all need to practice self love more often in our daily lives. Why is it that we can blame others such as family or significant others for not "treating us right" whatever that means...*eye roll* when we cannot even treat ourselves with respect in the first place. I believe we must praise ourselves every day, from when we first wake up, to when we go to sleep. We do not all have to be Yogis in order to practice this spiritual of gratitude, even though Yoga will do nothing but benefit everyone. I mean honestly - how often do you say thanks? Is it each morning when you wake up? Or perhaps each evening before you go to sleep for the night? I am a big believer in sleep - our body's way of rest after a full day of work whether that work be mental or physical - or a mixture of both! We need to thank our bodies through mental and spiritual prayer. "Thank you, my body for allowing me to gifting me with grace and live another day." Oh, you do not say that every day? Honestly speaking, neither do I, as I should! You should! If society would thank themselves for each and every day, I know that this world would be a better place. Praise can only be damaging if it is not present.
When I first went into the Writing Poetry class, I was definitely surprised to hear that we would not be complimenting each other’s poems. I immediately thought, “Well, then how am I going to be able to say that I really liked the poem?” But this turned out to be for the better because as the semester wore on, I was able to see how important it was for other poets to not compliment each other’s work, but rather, say what we have noticed or what stuck in our minds. These observations give way for more improvement and does not undermine and lessen those with first draft poems.
ReplyDeleteI feel that since the class did not compliment each other and tried to focus on what we noticed instead, we bonded in a genuine way. No one is envious of the other and no one gets upset at the fact that someone else “said this” for that person, but “didn’t say it for mine.” Removing compliments opens the workshop to what it really is --- a workshop. Something to help guide the poem to its true potential.
Compliments are always nice, but it’s better to have criticisms that can help one’s work. At the beginning of the semester, I was incredibly nervous to hear that we would be doing workshop -- to show our vulnerable and inner most thoughts, but also because all of the workshops that I have known were always so demeaning and left me feeling hopeless. I’ve met people in workshops during other classes and events who completely savaged my work as if my work was an antelope and they were the lion who hasn’t eaten in a couple of days. These always made me feel sad and hopeless because it reassured me (in my own mind) that I was not good at whatever I was doing. I was afraid that I might actually cry in class. That’s how afraid I was of workshop.
But with the amended workshop that I have been exposed to, it has left me happy and encouraged to fix my mistakes and make the poem or piece even better than it was before. For that, I am grateful.
We live in a society that obviously focuses and strives on the product rather than the process or inspiration behind anything. Compliments after compliments are symptoms of the fluff syndrome.
ReplyDeleteAs a student, I like when my teacher can recognize my efforts and provide some sort of productive feedback. I know I make mistakes and yes, I can be my own worst critic yet somehow a bit modest.
This past summer my professor wanted the class to provide written/verbal feedback on our writing proposals. The rules were simple, we weren't allowed to sugar shit or be hurtful. The purpose was to share or question an idea and be open minded to responses. Prior to this experience, I cannot recall having positive feedback or comments in my middle or high days from my teachers. I had some asshole teachers who wouldn't and didn't hesitate to belittle, bully or embarrass me in front of my peers in a sarcastic or passive aggressive tone. What makes matters worse, is that within the same breath, they would complement other students and have a smirk on their face as if, they destroyed me. Luckily, it didn't affect me the way I thought it would. I also had those that sugar coated everything with a smile and that was definitely more painful. Are you being honest or preventing me from feeling hurt?
As a teacher of younger students, I always thought of these stories and felt I needed to share it with my students. I loved watching their different reactions, because some understood, a few confused and the rare one was annoyed. I always defined the terms praise, compliment, honesty, purpose and expectations. I wanted the children to know that I was there for a purpose and it wasn't what they thought.
Parents like to compliment/over praise their children and it messes them up for disappointment. The children weren't as resilient as they needed to be.
Last year, I had a little girl who struggled forming the letters of a particular word. When she finally accomplished that task, she was waiting for my praise. I simply recognized the moment and asked her how she felt and why. Eventually she realized the process was about how she continued to push past the frustration to achieve a simple self-expectation. I asked her why did she expect me to give a compliment. Obviously, to make her feel good. Rather I asked, "Do you want to feel good only within this moment or for all moments throughout the year? Though it may seem like a hard concept for five and six-year olds to comprehend but that was how I taught. Thankfully her answer was what I expected, "throughout the year." So, I said then I prefer to share what I recognize about your effort and continue supporting you. It's not a compliment but rather I'm recognizing every real struggle and achievement (the positive, the negative and the neutral).
I always wanted my students to acknowledge their own strengths and weaknesses without someone feeding it to them with cutesy fluff or being hurtful. If it works then it works. If it doesn't then it doesn't. The focus isn't on me shouting hooray but more on them trying.
Mistakes are proof that you're trying your best.
Meagan AWP 5000
I really enjoyed this post. I recently wrote a piece and I honestly didn't like it, but its received such praise that it actually made me angry and then upset that I wasn't seeing what everyone had been seeing because I didn't like it, and yet they all had. I think this post has helped to settle some of those feelings of unrest that I've had.
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