We will turn our attention, next, to Writing for Love. No, this is not limited to Writing for
Security and Power—the fantasies and manipulations, the chase and seductions,
the sturm und drang of romantic life.
Writing for Love is much more embracing (!) and dependable.
When I come to a stopping (or being-stopped) point in writing my journal;
when I’ve ranted and obsessed myself into a corner, fantasized and strategized
too no avail, rehearsed and rehashed to boredom; when I have worked the lower stages
of journaling—the greatest relief is to Write for Love. Writing for Love is positive. Whereas writing to Survive, for Security, and
for Power are all implicitly about what’s missing or less-than—what’s been or
being taken from us and what we can’t yet have—writing for Love is about what
we DO have. It is the foundation for all
the creativity in the highest three stages of writing. It is an avenue for reframing our Survival,
Security, and Power needs.
There are three rays of light for Writing for Love—Gratitude, Praise,
Forgiveness.
Writing my gratitudes is wide-ranging.
Nothing is too small or too large. First, I start at home—with
myself: I’m grateful I took a
walk. I’m grateful for my eyes. I
write my thanks for my loved ones—the more specific, the better: I’m
grateful for M—how he does all our online orders. I’m grateful that he goes to a trainer and
takes good care of himself. I write
my thanks for abundance: I’m grateful
for the vat of soup M and I cooked together. I am so happy my savings are up
to…. I’m grateful for my funky new hat (here, I describe it in detail). I write my thanks for the tree outside my
office building—its peacefulness and beauty as I come and go from various
levels of stress. I write loving letters to my friends and family and
people I appreciate and might not know.
I sometimes copy out these letters and send directly.
Writing praise is very healing, as well.
This level is for the heart, so start with yourself. What would make you feel happy if someone
else said it to you. Say it to yourself! OMG!
Here goes, I’m embarrassed, but we all have to get over that
embarrassment—especially women. Susanna,
you are tall and healthy, slim and strong.
Susanna, your blog posts are helping thousands of students reclaim their
power. Susanna, you brighten up a room. Go
for it! Be brazen. Be bold. Be conceited.
Be Proud! Be YOU! Write about how it
feels and what results in writing to Praise.
And then praise others. I am
devoted to doing this on and off the page—I call it hug attacks—especially
to those who least expect it: Wow! Gorgeous
hair!... Thanks for your bright smile…You cheered me up! On the page, take time to praise the
people in your life. It’s so much easier
to wallow in Anger and Fear, Anxiety and Manipulation. Too often, we have been compared negatively
to others, and so praise for someone else feels like judgment against
ourselves. Short-circuit that. Jan is so devoted to her students—she spends
many late office hours coaching them… Marcia’s poem is simply brilliant—she invents
such riveting images. Wow! David is on
such a trajectory with his new tour!!!
Bravo!
And Forgiveness, a close cousin of Praise. When we are Angry, Afraid, Anxious about or
Manipulating others—when we try to manage someone else’s life, usually to no
avail—we become enmeshed—giving our serenity over to what they do or don’t
do. To forgive is NOT to condone. To forgive is to take back our power and release
ourselves from toxic dynamics. Writing
to forgive is an ideal place to begin. Often,
as you write in your journal, it’s helpful to address those you need to forgive. Here’s an example of what I wrote to my
stepfather who was often abusive of me, and, too often, cruel. Larry, I remember times when you took me
antiquing, when you cooked me my favorite casserole, and how took care of my
mother in her illnesses. Thank you for the good times. You can be so giving. It’s not likely
that I’ll send this to him at this point, because I am protecting myself from
the inevitable toxic responses. But I’m
freed up to move on.
Search through your journals for
examples of Writing for Love. How much do
you write to express gratitude, praise, forgiveness? If you feel comfortable,
share some of these entries in your reply.
If you don’t find yourself Writing
for Love, commit yourself to writing at least a part of your daily entry from
this mode—especially if you’ve been writing intensely for Survival, Security, or
Power. If you feel comfortable doing so, share an entry here. What was your experience of writing it?
© Susanna Rich, 2020
Works
Cited:
Because I Can Teach:
Journal for Authenticity Series:
Love is a sense of feeling, of hope, of wanting. I notice within my own writing do I rarely write for love. It’s usually for some sense of pain or loneliness but never love. For last week’s class, I have to dig deep down to find the exact words I wanted to say to express my love for someone during that time.
ReplyDeleteThe blog post “Journal for Authenticity: (6) Love” is something I think I needed to hear. Especially during these times I feel anger and fear. But love is something worth expressing. I am grateful for my family members who have stood strong through these very difficult times. They have inspired me to stay strong but to do it with grace and kindness. Sometimes I forget to turn to the people I love and think how lucky I truly am to have these people in my life. And forgiveness, I am so fast to hold a grudge; life is too short to keep negative feelings. I recently just had a conversation with an old friend and I encouraged him to forgive himself for the way he had treated me(he wasn’t too kind to me) he had some much guilt and I told him “it is over and I forgive you so learn to forgive yourself.” This post feels like a sign that I did the right thing and I am grateful for that.
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