Truth, Expression, Creativity,
Voice—the words circling this Mandala Arts image of the 5th
stage of journaling. The word Ham
on this image represents the sound that, according to yogic practices, helps to
open up this energy center in the body.
But ham also applies here, as the English word—to be a so-called “ham”
is to be free to express who we are—it is to be playful, a performer. The word ham also is the designation
for the operator of an amateur radio station—someone who broadcasts her or his
voice into the air waves.
When we journal for and from the bottom
four stages, the intent is to write for ourselves, and ourselves alone. That is why it is so crucial to keep the journal
private—to not write it in anticipation of being read. This is true at the fifth stage, as well—with
this difference. Writing to Communicate
is to voice truths to yourself that you might have been avoiding, only
broaching without developing in the earlier stages.
I’ve got my heart in my throat…I’ve
got a lump in my throat…Gag rule…Ram something down the throat…cut-throat…jump
down one’s throat…all these expressions, and more, bespeak (literally) of
the need to awaken to some truth—and to admit it to ourselves. It is to find words, find voice—to re-create
ourselves through writing.
It’s possible, in the first four
stages of writing, to rant, complain, manipulate; to be grateful, praise, to
forgive. It’s possible to do all that
and still hide from ourselves. When we
feel safe, secure, empowered, and loved—when we do that for ourselves through
writing—we might be ready to get to truth.
To break through the walls of denial, the walls of deception.
Here’s where you admit to yourself
what you forbid yourself to realize. Writing
to communicate is an awakening—it is to out yourself to yourself:
I don’t like…
I love…
I made a mistake…
I want to quit…
I’m afraid…
I didn’t know…
It’s too late…
It’s over…
Honestly, I…
To write to communicate—primarily
to yourself—is to clear the clogged faucet, to release the brakes, to take the
bit out of the horse’s mouth. It is to
break gag rules—the ones imposed by others, and, more importantly, the ones you
have internalized. It is an opportunity
to notice where you are shy, or, on the other extreme, arrogant with denial.
Search through your journals for
examples of Writing to Communicate. How
much do you come forth? Where might you
be holding back? Where did you not write down some important truth? Where
were you shy and reluctant? Where were
you arrogant because you were defending against an important truth? If you feel
comfortable, share some of these entries in your reply.
If you don’t find yourself Writing to
Communicate, commit yourself to writing at least a part of your daily entry
from this mode—especially if you’ve been writing intensely for Survival,
Security, Power, or Love. If you feel comfortable doing so, share an entry
here. What was your experience of
writing it?
© Susanna Rich, 2020
Worked Cited:
Journaling has always a source of communication for me. When I was younger and diagnosed with depression, my therapist was very passionate about journaling and would constantly bring up the importance of it and how it will help me during recovery.
ReplyDeleteRecovery? Seems like I was a drug addict. However, it’s true, I was in recovery with constantly at war with the demons inside me and the only way for me to release them and win this battle was to put them on paper. When I did that, they become real, vulnerable and no longer a threat to myself. I still journal to this day and I’m patiently waiting for the day where the demons wave that white flag of defeat.