Our
deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure.
—A Course in
Miracles, Helen Schucman
If
you’re like me, I have a function in me that says “But what have you done for
us lately?” I might write a song one
day, and then push to write one the next.
Honestly, I have been known to push myself to write not one, but four
poems in a day. Overwhelmed, I then
avoid writing at all for a stretch of time.
I created an excuse to not write—it’s too much.
We
set limits on our writing, because consistency—whether in sports, in writing,
or relationships—is more important than heroics. Without limits, we can be endangered. When I was writing my first major book, The
Flexible Writer, a piece that went over 700 pages in manuscript, I so
overworked that I lost the use of my hands for two years. To finish the
project, I had to hire an assistant to whom I dictated. I couldn’t read a magazine, comb my own hair,
or drive—let alone write or play with my nieces and nephew.
Over
time, I learned to set not only lower limits—to challenge myself and go deeper
than I thought I might; but upper limits, as well. When starting a new project, I assign myself
to write for fifteen minutes a day. Fifteen
minutes? That’s nothing, right? But fifteen minutes without fail. Every. Day.
This stimulates my creative unconscious to work. Or, as I did when I was writing my second
novel, I assign myself to write one typewritten page. If, during my initial commitment I’m tempted
to write more, I resist. Yes, I resist.
I make a couple of notes. Return
to it the next day. If this persists, I
renegotiate my upper limit. And then
write according to my new commitment. Every. Day.
The
mind is a wily thing—it is its nature to be always scanning and looking elsewhere—for
food, sex, entertainment, danger—more, more, more. I don’t give my mind an out. When I make a commitment, I keep it, despite
its lures: You’ve been good. Take off
today. You can make up for it tomorrow. No
thank you. If I make a promise to
myself, I keep it. My creative
unconscious—my muse—comes to trust me. And
it delivers.
Writing
every day means I can’t fudge on the weekends, can’t write double when I miss a
day. I don’t fatigue. My journal becomes a very healthy addiction—I
can’t go without. It is a refuge, a
friend—healing and inspiration.
Instead writing in my journal until I am exhausted and dry—and overwhelm
myself with all the inevitable ideas that emerge—I set a limit. I titrate—which means I start out small, get
into a rhythm, and then renegotiate. In
my Senior Writing Seminar course, I distribute Composition books the first day,
and assign a daily page every day. (I
will not read these journals, unless a writer wants me to see a particular
entry—more on that in another post.)
Just as medicines are titrated—increased dosages over a particular length
of time—we titrate the number of journal pages, until we get to three. That’s 100 lines in a college-ruled comp.
book.
Taking
Julia Cameron’s lead in her book The Right to Write, I titrated my daily
journal to three pages. In other posts,
we will explore the different moods and purposes journaling takes, and what to
do when you hit THE WALL.
Set
yourself an upper limit for daily journaling.
Start out small. And do not do make-up pages for missed days. That's just an invitation to overwhelming, discouraging, and then giving up on yourself. Just write the amount to which you have committed yourself. If you miss a day, start all over the next.
Tell
us about your experiences with being overwhelmed because you committed yourself
to too much—in whatever area of your life.
What happened? Did you give up
all together? Did you rebalance? How?
Remember: When you can’t meet your expectations, lower your
expectations! 
Works Cited
Cover Image: www.carepathways.com
Text
Cameron, Julia. The Right to Write. Tarcher: 1998.
Schucman, Helen. A Course in Miracles. Foundation for
Peace, 1975.
Because I Can Teach:
Journal for Authenticity Series:
I get overwhelmed quite easily. I suffer from GAD, otherwise known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and the smallest of things can sometimes trigger me into an episode. I’ve already discussed this in class, but I really truly feel like I committed too much of myself in school work. When I was younger, I used to always pride myself on my work ethic and studiousness. In middle school whenever there was an event or a party, my friends immediately knew, even without informing me, that I wouldn’t be able to attend because I’d be studying. At first, I viewed it as a compliment. I was hardworking, and it showed in my grades, progress reports, and my GPA. Then when I started college at Kean University, I took this habit to another level and aimed for straight A’s. Not A minuses, but solid A’s. That was only the way to get a 4.0. Why did I need a 4.0, I wasn’t sure, but I just knew I needed it.
ReplyDeleteI missed birthday parties, homecoming dances, weddings, and important events all because of my commitment to my grades. Every second of every day was dedicated to getting a 4.0 And don’t get me wrong, I achieved it. I did it. I’m a senior, graduating this May, and I have a 4.0. And while I’m proud of this achievement and my hard work, I realized that the pay-off was not worth it. And I realized that I personally never cared about having a 4.0. I didn’t even have a real reason to want it. It wasn’t me, Rabia, the self-proclaimed Unicorn, who wanted it, but it was Rabia, the anxiety-ridden Robot, who wanted it. I was feeding into my anxiety not my passion. And at some point, I let my anxiety take the wheel and with it, it drove me straight into the water, drowning me with fears. I am trying to rebalance now. I am trying to prioritize what’s important to me, but I know with absolute certainty that school isn’t it.
-- Rabia A.
Prior to working at my last job, I used to write a lot, whether a few lines or a page. Getting pen to paper, words to paper and smile to face was such an intimate experience. Finishing my undergrad meant, my words my writing truly belonged to me. Time presented me with some confidence and a small understanding of my capabilities. I was able to write a children's book within two weeks. I kicked everything into gear a few later and got my book published. PI felt like I proved how passionate writing was to me.
ReplyDeleteThe year after, I started working as a Pre-K teacher assistant and didn't have any time to myself. Writing became less enjoyable and very demanding. As the years passed, my position at the job was promoted to the top and began running a building with two other classes. Now I had to write lesson plans, newsletters, policies, written workshops, conference forms, plan center activities and a new Kindergarten curriculum. All of these responsibilities were great because I knew my work but my writing was all about work. I didn’t have time for me. Hell, I barely wrote grocery list. I knew I was good at my job but eventually it became way too much.
Last June, I decided I needed to do what is best for me and I resigned from teaching. My passion is writing and helping children but now I have to think of a way give back while still being true to myself and my words. Therefore, I want to continue writing children’s books.
I am currently in the stage of trying to balance everything. Step one was to create my vision board with inspirational words to move me towards writing again.
The best is still yet to come.
Meagan AWP 5000
Time. I constantly fear time. It’s hard to think under so much pressure. Maybe it has to do with timed-tests throughout school that I now have PTSD from it. Free writing I don’t have a problem with; it’s my creative work. I get nervous...I freeze and my hands begin to sweat. However, after last class and after reading this blog post, I need to try and give myself a few minutes a day to just write creatively and not a second over. It’s only been the third week of the Spring semester and there so many ideas moving around in my head about my novel (thesis) and I need to just take 15 minutes and right all my possible ideas out and I don’t burst with panic.
ReplyDeleteAfter I complete my assignments for this week, I’ll get my own journal and get keep all my notes and creative ideas for my novel in there so when it’s time to start it I’ll already have a jump start and hopefully I will have a few chapters done by then.
Fifteen minutes a day and not a second more.
The last time I was overwhelmed to a point where one day I laid in bed and didn’t get other to use the bathroom for two days. Called out of work for a day. All because I did cram everything that needs to be done in two weeks to a week. I got to over worked. I’am the person that does everything for my family on top for priorities I need to do in my life. It was to much to handle. I kept getting sick, did have time to eat, worked three jobs plus school. family members sick. I did not balance my family’s life and mine. Until I put myself first in order to help my family. I had to stay healthy to keep standing and help my family. The time I felt overwhelmed in writing is when I’m doing the assignment a day before it due, because I procrastinate, but mostly did prioritize the write chores. You learn that skill to organize your life and plan.
ReplyDeleteJessica M.
AWP 4000